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Hush, Howl {16}
Sapphire
I didn’t quite understand the way I reacted at school today. Instead of doing the usual thing like listening to the teacher’s boring lectures and scribbling down notes on my notebook, I found myself fidgeting with the ball-pen in my hands, clicking it incessantly which created an annoying sound. My calculus teacher got a little distracted with my session that he scolded me in front of the whole class because of it. I wasn't embarrassed—no, I wasn’t. After all, I’m used to all those kinds of things that other people say about me. But they aren’t enough to discourage me from continuing to study.
This morning everything went fine, except for the fact that Darwin started following me home like a guard. I didn’t quite understand the way he acted around me this time, the whole time he was staring at me straight in the eyes. His silver eyes gleaming reassuringly that he’ll be here for me. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything that I had to be sad about except being problematic about how am I going to handle the day that I mostly doesn’t want to remember—or to come.
Now, with those eyes. It kind of reminded me of Darwin’s. Maybe that’s why I found them so familiar. The same gleam, the same color . . . the same kind of hope and tranquility when he’s around me. Darwin . . . he never acted different from the way Darren does around me. Darwin was tame, and so will often bark and lick my face . . . while Darren, on the other hand, would express his cheeriness when he sees me by hugging me or something like that.
But what scared me the most was how he looked at me in a way that I haven’t seen before. The look of longing and desire, but isn’t too exaggerating to make it look lustful. Just the average way—like he wanted to be with me, to keep the smile on my face, or to express his fondness by hugging me, and to express the way he wants to comfort me by never letting go. I wouldn’t complain—his presence, in fact, makes me comfortable and at ease.
It just feels strange.
Shaking away the thoughts, I started to think of something else. But I just couldn’t get my mind off the topic. I couldn’t shake off the feeling and the intuitions that were bothering me. The way he acted was sincere, the way he spoke was real, and the way he laughs was unfeigned. I’m starting to think that he is being honest about wanting to have a real friend. Those facts made the hesitation to go away, but I cannot stop worrying about how he’ll react if he finds out that I’m starting to fall for him—or something like that. I just hope I wouldn’t experience anymore rejections like I’ve had before.
I was lucky that both of them aren’t in this class. Or I’ll be more distracted.
The bell rang, snapping me out of the trance that I realized I’ve been in for a whole hour. I gathered my things and placed it all inside the bag then slung it over my shoulder as I started to walk out of the door. Rosy came running after me in a hustled pace, a worried look written across her face.
She stared at me with her hazel eyes. We always had the same eyes since we were related—a weird, family heirloom as we both called it. “You’ve been acting really weird from our classes today. Is there anything wrong?” she asked.
Even though I don’t look at her face, I know the kind of emotion that she was showing. I swear if brows make noises, then hers would be screeching right now from being puckered on her forehead. Even the tone of her voice made it obvious that she was worried. I stopped at my tracks then looked at her with a masked face. I shook my head at her question and continued on my tracks. However, her hands halted me from progressing. She gently gripped my arm and pulled me back to face her.
