We're not living, we're surviving

13

I promise, I do not keep forgetting about this book. I'm just trying to write my own stories, and work has be going in at ten am and getting home at like...midnight, so it's a bit hectic right now. Sorry about that. I will update as much as possible, I'm not just going to leave it to rot. But not only that, I'm actually trying to write a zombie story with Emilia in it not as a fanfiction, but I do love Emilia and I want her to be a part of a series or something. I don't know if my writing will ever get me anywhere, probably not, but I don't care. I enjoy it.

I looked around me, trying to see if anyone else could see the doors opening and closing almost as if the barn was breathing. My hands clenched into fists before unclenching again. I wanted to get inside, to kill every damn walker in sight. To unleash my anger at this world somehow. But there had to be a reason. There had to be some logical explanation for why Hershel had a barn full of walkers on his land, and I didn't want to overstep the boundaries three days after arriving.

I was certain this was something that should be kept a secret, but I knew that people should know about it too. It seemed like a good idea not to say anything for a day or two, I wasn't feeling entirely up to talking to everyone as a whole at the moment, especially not Rick. Since I've been back from saving Sophia, everyone's been asking me questions, and I don't want to deal with them. I just want to get over it in my own time.

Suddenly, I remembered all the alcohol I had brought back from the bungalow all those months ago. So much had happened since then that there had been no time to drink it. Needing to get more than a few things off my mind,  I decided to go on a hunt for it. I knew in the back of my mind that it was a bad idea, but at the same time it was the best idea I'd had in a long time. My first stop was the RV. I knew exactly where Dale's hiding place was. It wouldn't have changed since he'd hidden all of Merle's drugs there, I knew that. Dale was a simple man, but apparently Merle had been simpler, being unable to find the stash despite them being behind one of the wooden panels in the wall.

Just as I was about to step into the RV, I heard my name being called from behind me. I didn't even need to turn my head to know who it was.

"You even listenin' to me, Emilia?"

"Don't have much of a choice, Deputy, you're voice is kind of hard to miss." I replied, frowning openly at Shane's presence.

"You've got to go to the shooting practice today, Rick says it'll do you good to be around everyone. Says I've got to train you." He seemed as eager to leave this conversation as I was.

"I've got other plans." I told him, taking a step further inside the RV before I was forced to stop, Shane's hand gripping my arm.

"I don't care what shit you went through, Emilia, while you were off on yer little adventure out in the woods, frankly you just got to buck up and accept that this world ain't entirely great. If Rick says you're goin' to this practice, you're going. There ain't no arguin', you can't just do your own thing. The past few days you haven't exactly done anything to earn your place in camp, this might just earn you a few brownie points."

I couldn't be bothered to argue, quite frankly the grip he had on my arm hurt almost as much as his words. I was quite surprised, I was usually able to handle most things, but I guess I was feeling slightly over emotional since my discovery at the barn.

"When is it?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"In an hour. Meeting out front of the house."

"I'll be there."

He didn't seem to notice I was lying. He just nodded, releasing me before stalking off to piss someone else off, no doubt.

In the RV, however, I was right. The alcohol was tucked away behind the boarding of the walls. Pulling out two bottles, one of wine, the other of vodka. It was probably the most dangerous thing I could be doing, getting completely smashed in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, but I didn't care at the moment. I just wanted to drink the negativity away, the memories of Georgia, the thoughts of Jack, even the memories of Thomas. I wanted them all gone. I just wanted to be on my own for a few hours. To have a clear mind. To relax.

Short, I know, I apologise. The next one will be longer. I hope.