We're not living, we're surviving

15

I think this is part fifteen...any who, thanks for sticking with me, guys, and this is a 100% legitimate upload which I'm going to try and make long because my creative juices are flowin'! Even though it's almost two am, but let's not talk about that.

One quick thing, if you could possibly do me the hugest favour and go and check out my YouTube channel, if you type in jessonthemove I'm pretty sure it comes straight up, but that's me, doing challenges and stuff, and it would really make me happy if you could at least watch a few of the videos. They are getting better, I promise!

And now, enjoy!

There was a run heading out into town, and frankly, I couldn't think of anything else that I'd rather do right now. It was either sit around and help Lori and Carol cook lunch or go out and try and be productive. Since my Epiphany the other day, I'd been trying, really trying to help out around camp rather than being stuck in my absorbed in my own problems. After all, worrying about Georgia and how I'd gotten her killed shouldn't be my priority.

I had been heading over to Rebecca, she'd come to say goodbye to the parties or something, but I all but fell over not at whom she was talking to, but whom she was flirting with. Sure, I'm not one to dictate who she falls for, or whatever it's called in a Zombie Apocalypse, especially since I haven't really been much of a friend since I got back, but Shane? Really?

When did that happen? When I was gone, no doubt. In my mind it didn't make much sense, they were such polar opposites that how could they even like each other. Still, I approached, and as I got closer, Shane left, presumably to go talk to Rick or Daryl or someone, I didn't care, it had been Rebecca I'd wanted to talk to anyway.

"Emilia, hey."

"What was that all about?" I was concentrated so much on waiting for her answer that I couldn't tell if I was smiling or frowning.

"Nothing, really, we were just talking about the run, I was telling him a few things I wanted. You're not going, are you?"

"Why?"

"I haven't seen you since you got back, Em, kind of wanted to catch up. Besides, I doubt Rick is going to let you go, especially with the way you've been acting these past few days."

"Well, I'm going. And since when have I cared what Rick thinks? I need to get back out there, hiding away here's not going to help anyone, do you understand?" It especially wasn't going to help me. Rick might be our leader, and sure, a lot of the decisions he's made have led to everyone in the group making it this far, including myself, but not going on this run wasn't going to do me any good, staying here on this farm was giving me some sort of cabin fever, I needed to be out there, helping in the way I knew how to best. Killing walkers. And in some sick way, I could see it helping me get over Georgia's death.

"You do that, then. I have some laundry I need to do, so I'll be going."

The way she said it made me uncomfortable, but I decided it best to ignore it. I understood she didn't want me going out there, I understood I haven't really spoken to her since I'd gotten back from saving Sophia, but shouldn't she be happy that I'm coming back? That I'm removing myself from the stupor I'd gotten myself into and becoming myself again?

Settling on speaking to Rick about my decision sooner rather than later, I headed over to him. He was looking over some maps and thankfully was alone. No Shane to get involved and but in where his opinion wasn't needed.

"Rick, can I talk to you?"

"I actually wanted to talk to you too, Emilia."

"Oh, well, you go first."

"We haven't had a chance to speak since you returned with that little girl, and I just wanted to say you did good. Saving her like you did, keeping her safe, it was a good call, I don't think she'd have made it had you not been out there with her, so thank you for that. Everyone around camp's grateful. But the way you've been acting since, it's not healthy. Not for yourself, and not for the group."

"And that's why I want to come on the run today, prove I'm not letting any of that stuff control me, I might have been a little down, letting the situation we're all in get the better of me, but I want in on this run. I want to help." I'd cut him off before he'd finished speaking, but I didn't care.

From the look he was giving me, I knew he disagreed, that he didn't want me going with them either, it seemed both he and Rebecca held the same opinion. Maybe everyone did, but that wouldn't stop me.

"I don't think that's such a good i-"

"Hear me out. I need to be out there, Rick, I can't help the group or be who I want to be without being out there with all of you gathering supplies." And killing walkers. "Please, just let me come."

"I think it's a good idea." Apparently Shane, from his spot near the boot of one of the trucks, had been listening in to our conversation. But surprisingly, I found myself flashing him an almost smile of gratitude, though, I'm sure it came out as more of a grimace.

"See?"

Rick looked at his partner now as he spoke. "Fine, but she's your responsibility. Daryl, Glenn and I'll take the left side of the main street in town, you, Emilia and Tyreese will take the right. Any problems," a sideways glance cast in my direction, one which I didn't appreciate. At all. "You give us a shout."

What did he think I was going to do? Get people killed with a little bit of friendly fire? I might not get along with Shane, but I was in no way going to kill him. I had his back, because, after all, he was one of our group, whether I liked it or not.