Fragile {On Permanent Hold}

Chapter Six - To Break A Bully

A week later, we returned to school, Alex wearing new specs that made him look super-nerdy.  I couldn't laugh at him though - after Josh's outburst I couldn't do anything fun.

"Oh, I look like shit!" Lex threw his arms up exasperatedly, his bag banging against his still-injured back, "OW!"

"Lex!", I half-screamed, "You'll pull something!"

"Fuckin' Josh and his fuckin' personality disorder!"  I heard Lex curse several times more times under his breath, then continue stamping his feet like a child having a tantrum.

"What was that, geek?", Josh's voice startled me as he walked into the clearing.

I turned to him - he was with a gang including Iain and Danny, "What're you doing, J?"

He walked up to Lex and promptly right hooked him, making him fall to the ground.  Almost immediately, a crowd of other travelling students gathered.  Hoots and calls of "fight, fight!" aroused from them.

I stupidly stepped between them, meeting Josh's emotionless green orbs.  He pushed me angrily aside, casting me to the ground.  Growling, I felt the power building up, the urge to hurt him - to kill him.  I knew how easy it could be; a simple snap and he would be gone.  But I fought down the urge, and instead tripped him up.  A stupid move, as he turned around.. and struck me.

As soon as his hand left my face, a stinging pain burned over it; a familiar pain.  His eyes didn't regret it, even when he saw my own eyes well with tears.

"Oh, go on - cry!  What'll it do?", he practically screamed at me, "I'm so fucking sick and tired of your moaning and bitching!  What about me for a change?  Can't I have pain or is it reserved for Miss Gives-Up-A-Lot?"

Tears fell from my eyes in disbelief and hurt; he was being really nasty; pouring salt in my wounds.  Feeling the suicidal thoughts tearing at me once more, I clawed at the ground, fumbling for reality.

"You're pathetic!", Josh's smug voice growled.

Then I snapped.  I had had enough!  Quicker than your average human, I jumped up and grabbed his throat.  His pupils dilated with surprise and fear, whilst my face went colder than stone, my eyes emotionless.

I began to speak, my voice low and flat, "Now listen to me, you self-righteous prick!  I am sick of always cleaning up after your messes!"

Iain and Danny each whispered several curse words, then ran off in the opposite direction, faster than anything.

But I did not care, "You know this tough act?  That's all it is; an act - a stupid facade!  I can read you like a book, Joshua Phillips, and I know you're just a scared little kid who is afraid of daddy!  Believe me, I've been down that road!  God, no wonder Amy cut noose, it's all your fault!  You're nothing but a low class - make that no class asshole who is acting like a toddler who throws it's toys out of the freaking cot!  Get a life, you're wasting your own and I predict if you go down this road, you'll die, alone and beat up, hated."

Then the anger faded, and with horror, I realized what I said.  I dropped him, backing away.  His eyes filled with a familiar liquid and he looked down.  We stayed in silence for a few minutes, then all of a sudden, he picked up his bag and broke into a sprint.

"Oh, Jesus... I fucked up!", I ran a shaking hand through my hair absently whilst looking at Lex.

He sighed, "Al, you helped him.  Now go help again!"

I gave him a faint nod and smile; he was right.  Only I could bring him back from the brink, and I knew it.  No way was I going to catch up if Josh kept running, but I knew him.  He would stop... and feel.  So I began to run, pulling my bag with me.  He was yet again in the old gym.  When I arrived, I hesitantly walked in to see him sat in front of a locker, his arms around his knees.  He was crying, I could see the tears running down his beautiful face.

"Josh?", I called, hoping for him to raise his head.

He didn't.

I called to him once more, but realized it was fruitless.  I had put him in this state; it was my fault.  Sighing, I slid down beside him.  He still refused to look at me.

"It's my fault," his voice cracked thinly.

"Josh...", I felt utterly guilty, "Don't-"

I couldn't finish; and didn't want to.  There were no words to heal Josh's broken heart.  Nor were there any gestures to mend my own.  Sighing softly, I took his hands in mine, begging him to look up into my eyes.  He complied slowly, his green orbs meeting my chocolate ones.

"Look, Josh; she's gone.  It's done, it's over," it broke my heart to say such things, "I tell you what though - she had a great life.  It wasn't long, it wasn't full but nonetheless, it was a brilliant life.  And she loved you"

He shook his head, "I got her killed, Al.   I should die"

"No, goddamn it!" I cried, "Ames would be so pissed if she heard you right now"

He growled coldly in reply, "Well, she won't.  She's dead - pay attention!"

I flinched, then felt power take over again.

I said, "Yeah, she's dead.   But souls hold on to this world when they see their loved ones in pain.  You need to let Amy go"

"I-I-", he broke down in soft sobs again, "I don't know what to do"

"You take every emotion you have - and you feel them.  Don't block 'em out.  Embrace them," I told him.

I kissed his cheek and hugged him, feeling my own watery pain rise to my eyes and fall.  His posture softened as he melted into me, taking solace and feeling everything.  Pain, anger, guilt and finally... acceptance.  I felt my mind touch his gently, his guard down for only me.  And I saw why he loved her.

He ran through the corridors of the school, looking for me.   He was worried, it was evident on his face.  Suddenly he bashed into Amy, who was standing, absentely gazing at a textbook.

"Holy shi-", Amy began, then noticed bruises on his neck, "Josh?  What on earth are those?"

He avoided her inquisitive glare and lied, "I-I fell.  Have you seen Alice?"

"No, and don't BS me!  Did someone hit you?", she asked, trying to get a closer look.

He fibbed again, "No.  I-I fell, must've banged it"

Perspiration dripped from his forehead, his breathing ragged.  His eyes blinked more times than normal.

"Who hit you, Josh?", Amy's voice was deathly serious.

He stammered, then admitted, "My Dad..."

"Oh, my God!", she hugged him, "What a jackass!"

I looked back at him, seeing his eyes cloud with the memories.

"That's why I loved her," he said.