Mockingjay: Prim [Completed]

Chapter 11: The Volunteer 2.0 (Prim)

Four more bunker missiles hit after the first. I realize they're keeping us down under rather than killing us off. Coin gives a few updates, but otherwise we're in the dark. Both literally and figuratively. We have a strict schedule for meals, bathing, exercise and sleep, and time to socialize is minimal. During these hours I become instantly popular thanks to Buttercup.

Katniss creates Crazy Cat, a game where she shines a flashlight and Buttercup chases after the light. It's fun for everyone to watch. But for me? It's more of a metaphor. I'm buttercup. When the light, hope, is on, I jump and scramble immeasurable heights to get what I want. Snow makes me feel desperate. But if the light goes out, for instance killing Gale and Johanna, I just sit there sadly until I move on.

Gale and Johanna. They're being tortured because of me. And that breaks me.

One night, I detach myself from my bunk and find Finnick. I just feel like he'd understand. He is under a safety light in his space, not even pretending to rest. He busily knots a rope in his hands.

"Is it okay if I sit with you?" I ask. He nods and I take a seat next to him. He keeps moving his hands, creating intricate knots. I wait for a moment until I start telling him what I realized, then I realize that's what broke Finnick.

"I-I'm sorry, about you know," I apologize. Maybe I should have never come over.

"No it's okay, I'm sorry I didn't warn you." There's a short pause before he continues. "You confused me at first. I thought you didn't actually like Rory, that it was all for the games. I thought you liked that boy from Three."

I freeze, and a memory takes over.

"Prim, I need to tell you something...I think you have a really kind heart and I can tell you care about others first. You're gentle and...you should have never been put in the games. I guess what I'm trying to say is...you are the best person I have ever met and I've...I've taken a liking to you."

He had kissed me on the cheek after that. I was speechless.

"One of us is going to die," he continues, "don't forget about me."

Those were this last words. He walked away and soon after I heard a scream. He was on the floor, a spear through his stomach. The cannon sounded.

"Prim? Primrose..." Finnick waves his hand in front of my face and pulls me out of my trance. Noah... His words lingers in my brain. Don't forget about me...

"So anyways, Rory hit the force field and almost died. Then I realize that...you really do like him...Hurts to see him hurt, doesn't it?"

I bite back the pain. Ever since I told him how they're using his brother he hasn't talked to me. He hasn't talked to anyone. He just blends in with the rocks and spends time alone. I decide to put my thoughts aside and just break in with a question.

"And you? It's not just Gale, it's Johanna too. Hurts, doesn't it?"

"Here," Finnick says, handing me his rope. "It helps cope. I'll get you your own but in the meantime, you can use mine."

I end up knotting away the rest of the night.

At dawn, Beetee comes by to give Finnick a new trident.

"You fixed it!" Finnick exclaims. It's awesome and I give a smile but it's not genuine. Suddenly I find myself asking Beetee, "You remember Noah?"

"Oh of course I do! He was a smart boy, that one..."

"Yeah...we were close. At least...I think we were. And...I just wish he could be here too, you know?" I say wistfully. I small smile tugs at the corner or my lips as a random memories of him resurface in my brain. Teaching me to use a slingshot, meeting me at the stream, kissing my cheek good bye. For a moment I see someone in the corner of my eye, moving along the walls. I'm probably just seeing things. I turn back to Beetee, smiling as we both reminisce about the boy we had once loved. But something about his smile tells me he isn't telling the full truth.