Mockingjay: Prim [Completed]

Chapter 9: Propaganda Shots and Broadcast Battles (Prim)

No! Rue, come back...come back! I watch as the "me" on screen says bye to Rue. It's like watching myself from someone else's perspective. Chills run down my back as I realize maybe this really is someone else's perspective in the games, like Jacqueline's. Maybe she was watching us. I chide myself, saying it's all a dream. Yet I'm not able to wake up.

The dream shifts and suddenly I'm watching myself pick berries, unaware that Marvel is within killing distance. He throws his weapon and it spears Noah. He screams in pain. Only then do I realize what's happened and throw myself towards him, but it's too late.

Next I'm in the Quell, re-watching Mags walk to her death, re-watching Wiress' throat get slit by Gloss as the rest of us are watching Rory draw a map. All these deaths...they could have been prevented. Then maybe they could have been saved too...

I wake up shaking. It's almost like Snow sent these dreams, telling me that these people died because of me. That I could have saved them but I didn't. I pant as I stare at the dark ceiling. Katniss and Mother are asleep, so I don't bother them. Instead I sit up and think to myself until dawn.

Thankfully, I'm out of my wheel chair now. Rory still helps me most of the time though, since I can't walk as well as I used to. Him, Finnick and I have kept mum about what we've seen. No one else brings the matter up either. But it couldn't have just been us that saw it. Someone else must have seen Gale and Johanna.

In the afternoon, Rory is called in to work with Beetee to train with weapons. Being the boy he is, he's excited about it. I'm happy for him. He chose a crossbow as his weapon in tribute to Gale, which I thought was sweet of him.

Not being with Rory, I decided to go out to the woods with Finnick. He's excited to go out with me and I can't help but smile at his enthusiasm. We get out there and walk a bit before hiding our communicators under a bush. It reminds me of stuffing mics in a couch with Haymitch, back in District 11, during our Victory Tour.

"No one talks about the propo," Finnick says, staring into the sky with his sea-green eyes.

"Yeah, not even Katniss," I tell him. "But then...I haven't seen her in a while, ever since Peeta came back from his secret mission."

"Mission? I wasn't told about a mission."

"Um...yeah. I don't think I'm supposed to know but Katniss told me. He and some others were scouting routes into the Capitol. They say they've got it down but it will take a while to rescue...you know who."

Silence takes over and we both shift our gazes once more to the sky.

Katniss takes me to Compartment E after dinner.

"Katniss, what's happening?" I ask in attempt to get her to talk about the propo. But she doesn't tell me anything about Gale nor Johanna. Which makes me think, maybe the appearance wasn't as important as I thought. After all, it could just be another ordinary Capitol propo. But if it's not important, why won't anyone tell me about it?

Night falls and I can't sleep, afraid that the nightmares will start all over again. Instead I hold onto the pearl from the games, the one Rory gave to me. At least he is safe. Something tells me that in an alternate turn of events he would still be stuck at the Capitol, being tortured alongside his brother. It just seems something Snow would do.

In the morning I get my schedule on my arm. I have Production after breakfast. I sigh but head over to the cafeteria and drain my meal; hot grain; mushy beets; a cold glass of milk. Soon enough Rory joins me, a smile plastered across his face. Oh and that small thing about a communicuff plastered across his wrist. I congratulate him for it but in the deepest corner of my heart, wish that I was offered one too. Rory seems to sense my disappointed because he tells me, "Cheer up, they probably thought you're too special for an ordinary communicuff!"