That's Not Your Shade.

I Will Blame Myself

****Authors note****

Hey guys I am so sorry I haven't updated! I can not describe how many times I have wrote and edited and deleted this (sometimes by accident) I'll be honest not 100% happy with thus chapter so please go easy on me :L and thank you to everyone who has read and voted for this book! Makes me so happy!! Anyway I've kept you waiting long enough!!! Enjoy my beautiful readers mwahhh :*

-Part 11-

Why wasn't I there?

Why couldn't it be me?

Why her?

I sat down in the waiting room watching the hands slowly move around the clock, listening to the tick tock noise in the background. I sighed, rubbing my eyes with my hands. They were stinging from my crying earlier.

It had only been 22 hours since we got here, but still no sign of her to come out of her operation on the clot of blood on the brain. Everyone else had fallen asleep.

I could try to sleep, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. Her parents went home to get changed and cleaned up. I text my cousin, Poppy to pick up my car. I abandoned it once I seen the ambulance and to be honest I didn't want to go pick it myself and see where the crash happened.

Fucking Paps.

I didn't exactly know what to do with myself. My suit was still slightly damp from sitting in the rain but I didn't want to ring mum to drop off clothes.I didn't want her to be here.

This was all my fault. I stood up clutching my fists tight enough to turn my knuckles white.

'All my fault' I shouted, throwing the magazines of the table. That felt good.

I grabbed the edge of the table flipping it upside down. Then grabbing the curtains off the rail.

'All my fault.' I shouted repeatedly before my knee's gave in and I was kneeling on the ground crying again. I felt a hand on my back before I heard Harry tell me to calm down.

'Niall, this isn't your fault' Harry assured me.

'Yes it is,I should have drove her to the service.' I spat. Harry sighed standing up and picking the curtains up from the ground.

'Would you like some help?' A women asked Harry from the door. I looked over my shoulder to see a nurse standing at the door, she made her way in, not waiting for an answer and helped Harry put the curtains back up.

'Sorry he got a little upset' Harry excused me.

'It's no problem at all, I'm Lily, I'm just training here' she held out her hand to Harry and he took it without hesitation and shook it lightly.

'Harry' he smiled. I shook my head, standing up and sitting on the couch taking out my phone. I wasn't cleaning this mess up. I have enough to worry about.

They continued cleaning up the mess I made, not complaining once. I hadn't realised I was still crying until my vision went blurry and I could barley make out the picture of Ebony and I was looking at on my phone.

The nurse, Lily, sat down next to me holding a box of tissues. I took one, thanking her, before giving her a weak smile. She offered me a small smile back and suddenly I felt bad for not helping clean my mess up.

'Ms. Healy is in good hands Mr.Horan, please don't worry' she assured me. 'We will do everything we can to make sure she is okay.'

I looked back down at the photo of her on my phone, feeling sick thinking that she may not smile like that again.