When a Bird Flies

Chapter 10

"Thea? Thea!" Alice waves her hand in front of my face to get my attention. It's been a few days since I last saw Addison, and that night is all I can think about. Different snapshots replay over and over in my mind, each time focusing on different little details that I wasn't able to notice in the moment. His eyes and his smile and his embarrassment and his silence, all forcing me to think about what would've happened if I hadn't said stop. But the majority of me is glad that I stopped what could've happened; I don't want to grow attached to someone right now, nor give him the wrong idea. But what if I should've let him kiss me? Did I only speed up what I was fearing would happen later? What if I made a mistake? No, I didn't. He's my friend. I want him to be my friend.

"Earth to Thea!" Alice yells in my ear. I jump back slightly and she looks at me with confused eyes.

"I'm sorry, um, what were you saying?" I ask.

"Are you okay?" A small crease appears in her forehead as she looks at me with serious concern.

"I'm fine, really."

"You don't seem fine."

"I am."

"What's wrong."

I don't want to share what happened between Addison and me at work, especially now while everyone is eating lunch and having a good day. And I don't want to worry about whether or not anyone else might be listening.

"Everything's fine, I guess I'm just out of it today or something," I reply, then go back to eating my sandwich. She stands from the table and grabs my wrist, making me follow her out of the break room and into the restroom. She lets go of my wrist as we stop in front of the large, white stalls.

"Come on out with it, then," she demands, putting her hands on her hips. I stay silent for a moment, but eventually give in.

"Addison showed up at my house last night. He said you told him that I was having a bad day, so he came over to cheer me up and... we were just talking, and, um..."

"Wait," she gasps, "Something happened. You two snogged, didn't you?" Her smile spreads from ear to ear.

"He leaned in, and we came close, but... I stopped it," I respond, my voice getting quieter with every word. Her smile drops in an instant.

"You... you stopped it?"

"Yes, but-"

"Thea! Why?!" She yells, as if I'm someone in a horror movie that thought it would be a brilliant idea to open the closet door, just to make sure there's no murderer in there.

"I don't want to give him the wrong idea!" I defend.

"Oh, come on! You and I both know there were sparks between you two the second you met."

"Don't pull the sparks card on me right now."

"I'm just saying," she slightly raises her hands, "I think there could be something there. And I think you would too if you let yourself."

If I let myself. The words soak into my skin as I think about all the reasons why I hide away. Why do I hide myself from people? Why don't I want to deeply care about someone? And why don't I want someone to deeply care about me? To put it in simple terms, I'm afraid--terrified, actually. I don't want my dad's tired eyes. I want eyes that are alive and free and awake. I don't want to go through my days anxiously wondering if the person I love will wake up one morning and feel differently. I don't want to hear the front door close in the middle of the night again. I just want things to be simple. Simple and heartache-free.

"I gotta get back to work," I say, walking out of the bathroom and making my way back to my desk. She follows soon after, sitting at her desk and glancing at me one more time before returning to her work. When the workday ends and I leave the office, I contemplate on whether or not I should go to the bakery to see Addison. As much as I want to talk to him about this now, I decide on giving him some space. All we need is some time to cool down a bit, to figure things out. And who knows, maybe he'll try to talk to me first.

It might just be in my mind, but I think the city lights shine brighter in the rain. I lay in my alcove as the raindrops tap my window, racing each other down the glass. I realize that I haven't talked to Blake in a little while, and I take out my phone to call her. She doesn't answer, which is unlike her, but I leave a simple message saying that I miss her and hope her and dad are doing well and to call me back when she gets a chance. I almost want to mention Addison, but I stop myself. I fall asleep soon after that, the soothing sound of the rain putting me deep, deep under.

A loud ring yanks me from my dreams and I sit up instantly. Brushing my hair out of my face, I look at the clock. 3:32am. The rain is still pouring outside, a light fog hovering over the city. I'm still half-asleep when my phone rings again and I move over to it and answer it without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" My voice is groggy and a little raspy.

"Thea?" It's Blake. At first I'm happy to hear her voice, but then I realize that it doesn't have the same witty, enthusiastic tone that it usually has.

"Blake? Is everything okay?" I wake up a little more and sit up straighter.

"Thea," she replies, her voice cracking. She's unable to control her sobs as she starts wailing into the phone, heaving and sniffling and hiccupping as if she's having a panic attack. I'm fully awake now.

"Blake, what's wrong? Talk to me," I say quickly.

"You need to come home right away," she cries, "it's dad."

"What happened? Is he okay?" My breaths have become so shallow that I'm barely even breathing.

"He got in a car accident--he's in surgery now and they're not letting me see him and I'm so scared, Thea-"

"I'm on my way," I say before hanging up the phone and sprinting out of my flat. I flag down a taxi and head straight to the airport, my heart beating a hundred miles per second.