When a Bird Flies

Chapter 3

My new boss, Mr. Andrews, gave me a week to settle in before I start work, and I should probably be happy about that. I should probably be touring all over London and seeing the sights and decorating my flat while I dance around to 80's music. But it's been five days already and all I've done is hang up some family photos that I took from home and buy new dishes and get completely lost on my way to the supermarket. Honestly, I was hoping to dive right into work as soon as I got here and distract myself from any possible homesickness. But now, with all this time to myself, I can feel the anxiety coming on. My dad once joked that wide-open spaces are where I feel the most claustrophobic, and as I sit alone sipping tea at my dining table, I know that he couldn't have been more right. I stand up and take my mug to the sink to wash it before I go upstairs to get ready for the day. I decide while I'm getting dressed that today I'm going to do at least one touristy thing. After thinking about it for a moment, I choose the London Eye.

It's a beautiful day with very little clouds and the air is refreshing, and it actually makes me glad I left my flat. I lock my front door before walking down my steps and attempting to find the nearest underground station that leads to the London Eye. I've only used the tube once and, honestly, I've been afraid to go back. I had studied the tall map for at least five minutes before I could kind of figure out where I needed to go, and everyone is always in such a hurry that I felt like I was in an old pinball machine. But this time, I'm much more determined. I find the tube and step on when the doors open, pulling my phone out of my pocket as soon as I sit down so it looks like I have something to do. Soon enough, the tube stops and I get off. I follow the signs that say South Bank, and soon I can see the incredible London Eye right in front of me. It's so much bigger in person, almost blocking the sun as I walk closer to it. I buy a ticket and wait to get on, my excitement starting to build up. I can't wait to get to the very top and take a good look at this bustling city, like the birds soaring over my head. I wonder if they think this place is beautiful.

Finally, it's my turn. I step into one of the capsules, along with a married couple with their two small sons and an elderly man with a large camera. The wheel starts to move, bringing our capsule higher and higher. I look all around me, mesmerized by every building and every ant-sized person. The higher the capsule gets, the more invincible I feel, and soon enough we're at the very top. And then I realize, this is the first time since I arrived in London that I don't feel the least bit anxious or worried or homesick. I am one with the clouds and the birds and I feel free.

I glance behind me at the two young boys with their parents, almost as if to see if they're feeling what I'm feeling. One of the little boys is antsy and he tells his dad that he wants to go home, but the other is staring at the city with wide eyes. I can only imagine what he thinks of all this. He puts both of his hands on the glass in front of him, moving his face closer so he can see more of everything. I notice his mom keeping an eye on him in case he might try something, and she looks at me for a brief moment and smiles. I smile back, and then I look to my right at the elderly man with his giant camera. In that moment, all I want to do is see the photos he's taking because I'm sure they're amazing.

"Where are you from?" I hear someone ask to my left. I turn to the boy's mother again and realize that the question came from her. Her eyes are kind as she waits for my answer.

"San Francisco," I reply with a small smile.

"Ah, lovely town. What brings you here?" she asks, and I notice her slight English accent. I hadn't really thought about locals wanting to go to tourist attractions, but with tourist attractions this amazing I don't see why they wouldn't.

"Work," I answer. Her and her husband both nod as if they completely understand.

"I came here for work too, and look where that got me," her husband says as he puts his arm around her shoulders. They laugh, and I laugh along and nod my head, not entirely sure what to say next. I've never been great in social situations; I'm not one of those people who can just walk up to a stranger and say hi and ask how their day is going or ask where they're from. I've never really had that type of courage.

We get lower and lower until we're back on the ground, and I step out of the capsule. I wave goodbye to the family before I start walking back to my flat. Even though I'm back on Earth, so to speak, that feeling of freedom and weightlessness hasn't decided to leave my body yet. I see one of the famous big red buses and I run towards it and hop on just as it's leaving. I walk up the steps and take a seat on the second level. The wind blows my hair in all directions as the bus takes me where it wants to take me. I take photos with my phone as I pass by different buildings, embracing the true tourist in me. Even though I'm by myself, I'm having fun. More fun than I've had in a long time.

That evening, I take myself out to dinner at a small restaurant about a mile from my flat. I order my food as if I know every single person who works there and I tell myself that this is how I should always live my life, like I am always among friends. And after dinner, I walk around my neighborhood at least twice, just taking it all in. The sunset sheds a beautiful glow through the trees, making everything golden. I walk slowly, like I have all the time in the world, because in that moment I truly believe I do.

When the sun starts to disappear and the lanterns along the street turn on, I take it as my cue to go back to my flat. I spend the rest of the night in my alcove, snuggled up with a blanket. I think about how I had started the day feeling so alone, and ended the day feeling so... present. Almost as if I could actually belong here someday. Later, I fall asleep to the image of birds flying over my head, and I hope they think this place is beautiful. Because I do.