Tronnor oneshots

Too fast (I can't keep up)

You say, let's live like there is no tomorrow

Not aware that's what I'm afraid of

Troye has always been spontaneous and hopelessly optimistic. Never afraid of what people say, he'd think of something and do it immediately, not even concerned about the outcome. He doesn't regret a thing he's ever done or said.

I never understood that. How can anyone live so carelessly? How can anyone ignore all the dark and fear in this world? He keeps telling me life's too short to be afraid but therefore, here I am. A person scared of what people say (or even worse - think), terrified of the outcome of my actions, who spends most of his time in his bedroom working for high grades, so I don't dissapoint my family. I can't be wrong, everything I do has to be planned to perfection so the outcome is positive (I'm already a disgrace of this family). But I'm still failing, of course.

Living too fast

Running too slow

It terrifies me to watch Troye live sometimes. I feel like I'm just slowly dragging somewhere behind him while he runs through his life in an incredibly fast pace I could never keep up with. I'm not even sure if I should compare him to a small river or an ocean. He's quick and unexpected as a tiny river running through a dark forest, a small, easily passed obstacle in your road but somehow it's still nice to see it. But at the same time he's like a huge, powerful ocean, he's everywhere. He can be dangerous and calm, the huge waves both intimidating and calming at the same time. It's confusing, I know. But so is Troye. That's why I love him so much.

It's all in a low

No escape from today

It's just another night I spend with my depressing thoughts. Troye held me in his small but strong arms while whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I calm down a little, the voices in my head turn down the volume for a while but I'm still not okay. I don't know if I'll ever be. I just wish today ended and tomorrow was brighter. But it's just a wish. You can wish for all you want but life isn't just a some kind of fairytale with happily ever after. A fairy godmother won't come and make all your wishes come true.

The wind changed its way

Thank god the day is ending

I feel fine today. Which is weird but definitely pleasant concidering it never happens. Troye told me he loves me today. I knew that already but hearing him say that, actual words out of his mouth, formed in his beautiful, chocolate coloured curls covered head made me happier than I've ever been. I finally fall asleep. In his arms.

But I can't sleep and it isn't new

I'm afraid of tomorrow's view

Then another day comes, again filled with pain and sorrow. He's not around to save me from my thoughts.
Insomnia takes over again. Help me.

Will it be dark, gloomy

What if it's all the same?

I lay thinking of the day ahead of me. There's nothing positive left in my head or around me. Even the only flower around, the sunflower Troye gave me is dead, the dark wilted petals slowly falling off, one by one in a rhythm only known by them. Now every day is the same after Troye left for another one of his spontaneous adventures. I wish he'd come back soon enough. Another wish...

Living too fast

Running too slow

Troye ran way too fast for me to catch up. I should have known. I couldn't drag behind him forever.

You don't know I'm afraid of today

So I'm just trying to sleep

I told Troye it's over. He cried. I did too. No more texts, kisses, sweet nothings being whispered into my ear. I go to sleep with the image of him. Who am I kidding, I won't fall asleep.

Just trying to break into the dream

I used to have

I remember my young days when I was careless and free. I felt happy, no demons chasing my mind. I wish I was like this now. My parents didn't hate me for loving a boy.

I still remember the bright colours

And glitter and normality

One of the best momories I have is when me, Troye and his sister played makeover together. I felt so happy spinning around in a gorgeous blue dress, sparkling in the light. And then came the slurs. The hate. I wish everything was as simple as it was when we were 10.

I miss hearing him say my name. So soft and lovingly, his Australian accent making it sound more like 'Connah'. I miss him. It was so normal and casual. It sounded like home. A happy, non-broken one.

Cause I'm completely tired

Of the dark reality.

But it isn't simple anymore. I'm still afraid of what people say (or even worse - think).

I look at a mirror. I hate my body. Then I notice my eyes. They remind me of a forest. I imagine a small river flowing somewhere throught it. My eyes are suddenly the first (and only)  thing I like about myself. Then I remember Troye's eyes, as deep and blue as an ocean.

Maybe he's both.

I love him still.

But he keeps runing. And I can't keep up.

Hiiiiiiiii

I missed writing oneshots and since I'm kinda stuck on my book rn, I decided to write one based on this poem thing I wrote a couple nights ago. It's barely edited but I don't feel like perfecting it.

Hope you enjoyed!

Hope you have a wonderful day/night/whatever filled with everything best

-Em xx