Crimson [840658]

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

It almost felt too good to be true that he was here with me after everything, like I was about to wake up and I’d be back out there. I don’t know how long we sat there on my bed together, him just holding me, it must have been a while but I don’t think either of us minded. I couldn’t really describe what it felt like having him next to me, thinking about him for so long and then actually being in his presence just felt… like it was meant to be. I know how cheesy that sounds, but it really was kind of true. I mean considering I’ve thought of no-one else for weeks, the way my stomach flips just being in his presence and the fact he can always seem to draw a smile out of me, it had to count for something right?

“I’ve missed you so much” I whispered releasing my grip on him slightly, he pulled back so we were face to face, just looking at his features so close made me feel so lucky that in a world of millions upon millions of people, I had the chance of finding and getting to know him. “Me too, I really have, and I’m sorry” determined not to cry again I bit my lip nodding, I already looked like a complete mess I didn’t want to look like a homeless scruff by crying anymore. “Thanks” I muttered not allowing my mind to repeat what it had been doing since the tragedy happened.

“I’m always going to be here if ever you want to talk about it, I can see how hard it’s hit you and I just want to let you know I’m here for you no matter what” he wasn’t exactly making it easy for me trying not to cry, but I was determined not to. “I know Nath, it means so much too. It’s just I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain it, I don’t want to. You had be there to see it, to know what it felt like. It hurts, that’s all I can really say right now” He nodded, sitting back against the headboard and pulling me into his side, I rested my head on his shoulder as we both sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I understand Hannah, I want to help you with this. Go and have a shower and get ready to go out, you’ll feel so much better after” he smiled letting me get up. Moving around my room I picked up everything I needed before locking myself in the bathroom.

Glancing at the mirror for the first time since getting up I frowned at my reflection, I looked a sad mess. I had make-up remains smudged across my face, my eyes were still puffy from all the crying I did yesterday, and my hair, I didn’t know where to begin with that it was just a complete and utter mess.

Grabbing a shaver I began to make myself feel a bit less like a zombie and more like a girl. Removing any unnecessary hair on my body I then moved on detangling my hair with a brush, it took a few attempts to remove some knots but I felt a lot better once my hair was less tangled. Finally I stepped out of my pyjamas and entered the hot, steaming shower. It felt so good, you couldn’t even compare the showers we had out there in Iraq to here. I almost forgot how nice it was to just relax and let the hot water run over me.

I must have spent about twenty minutes in there, washing my hair and using shower gel until I smelt tropical and heavenly. I felt guilty for making Nathan wait to so long, but when I returned with my hair up in a towel, black leggings and an oversized purple tee, I found him playing Candy Crush so I presumed he didn’t mind.

After adding concealer to hide everything on my face I didn’t wish to be seen, blusher to make my cheeks slightly more pink, eyeliner and mascara to define my eyes, and lip-balm to moisturize my lips I was almost done. I looked ten times better than I had when I got out of bed, it was slightly embarrassing thinking about it now at just how bad I had looked.

Drying and straightening my hair was the last step, I looked like a totally different person and like Nathan said I felt so much better for it. “You look nice” he smiled, glancing up from his phone and standing up. I thanked him as he told me to grab whatever I needed to out before grabbing my hand and leading me out the door.

It was pretty cold out as usual, but I liked it. It was just so British, and I’d missed it. “So where are we going?” I asked, he still held my hand and I was quite content in having it there too. “I have a feeling you already know, but you’ll find out shortly anyway” he smirked looking into the distance, I did have an idea but I didn’t want to say anything in-case I was wrong.

~

Once we reached the street I burst into a smile, I couldn’t help it. It was just a natural reaction. For the first time since Daniels death I actually smiled without it being forced, it felt good too – but at the same time I kind of felt guilty that I was, when one of my best friends had just had their life taken from them and two others were grieving.

“I’ve missed this place” I said opening the door to the little café Nathan and I had been in when we were first getting to know each other. “I have too” he smiled, I saw him nodding his head and followed his gaze to find four other cheeky faces smiling back at me. “Boys” I whispered more to myself than anyone else. I couldn’t stop the small giggle that burst from my mouth and ran over to Nathan’s bandmates. “Hannah!” Tom grinned pulling me into his arms, with a smile still plastered on my face I made my way around the group taking it in turn to hug them. “I’ve missed you boys” I exclaimed sitting down between Nathan and Siva. The waitress came over and asked what we wanted, with a mixture of teas, coffees and cakes we ordered a fair bit. Just like before Nathan ordered tea, I ordered a latte, and we shared a slice of chocolate cake. It was heavenly, both were. I hadn’t had them in months so the taste of chocolate after that long almost made me want to moan out loud.

One thing I was thankful for, was that none of the boys bought up Iraq or Daniel. I could tell they wanted to know a few things but held back for my sake, and I was grateful for that. I was happy talking about their lives and how crazy their tour was, it made me forget about my own life for a bit and laugh at the expensive of five others.

“It was hilarious, Jay was running down the stairs at one of the sound checks and fell over, but then he slid down all the stairs to the bottom and everyone backstage just stood there laughing for five minutes” Max chuckled at the memory. We all let out a laugh except Jay who gave Max a push and shook his head. “Oh yeah, says the one who shouted ‘Hello Birmingham’ to the crowd at Liverpool” Jay laughed back and this time it was Max’s turn to shake his head and take a sip from his drink in shame. I laughed so much, I couldn’t help it. Hearing all their stories about their misfortunes made me realize just how lucky they were, all these things were minor and that’s partly what made the whole situation so funny.

~

When it hit closing time for the shop we all left, Nathan decided he was going to take me home and the others all caught a taxi back to their hotel or flat, wherever they were going. I gave them all a hug and thanked them for cheering me up, before taking Nathan’s hand as we walked back home.

Once we got in I put a movie on and we curled up on the sofa together with a blanket and cup of tea, it was so nice. That’s all I could really say. I loved being in his company, he made me feel just so carefree and totally myself.

When the film finished I could tell he was starting to feel a bit awkward about whether to leave or not, to be honest I didn’t want to be on my own. I was just beginning to forget and I knew if I was alone I would be pulled back into those horrible thought,s and I didn’t want to go back there.

“Nath?” I asked getting his attention, he nodded and took my hands pulling me closer to him. “Will you stay tonight? I – I don’t want to be alone” it was kind of embarrassing asking, I mean what if he said no? I looked away and down at my feet, I hated the idea of rejection and right now I was head deep in the prospect of it happening.

“Hannah” he whispered, I still didn’t look up. He was going to say no and then I would be humiliated. “Hannah” he repeated, this time using his hand to tilt my chin up so I was looking at him, meeting his gaze made the feeling ten times worse. “You don’t need to look so scared, I’m here for you okay? I’m not leaving you” I let out my breathe I hadn't realized I was holding, I was so relieved and happy. My breathing soon faltered again when I realized he was getting closer, with one hand still on my cheek and the other moving to my waist I knew exactly what was about to happen. With one swift movement his lips were against mine, delicately brushing them. I almost forgot to breathe under his touch, I felt so… alive. My heart was beating, my cheeks blushing a slight pink colour and my grip on Nathan was as tight as it could be. “I’m not leaving you” he whispered repeating himself before our lips met again.

A/N – Hope you like it! The boys are back! Woop!