Void

Ch. 11- Wade

"This is our only battle and quest in this life; to find out who we are and where we come from.   Survival is just secondary.  Go beyond your human knowledge of who you think you are; your life's journey, in search for the truth of you.  Don't abandon the search, because the only truth that you need to discover, is the truth of you; that's what that empty void inside of all of us is about.  Don't abandon the search of discovering the truth about you.  There will be many truths along your path; but there is only one.  Don't settle for any other truths until you void is filled."  ~Geraldine Vermaak

Chapter Eleven- Wade

July 30th 3012, 8:20am

I have nothing to do but wait.  I’m not bored.  I’m not anything.  Anything but empty.

Is that even considered something?  It doesn’t exist.  It doesn’t take up space.  It has no matter.  So is the emptiness there?  Am I here?  Am I real?

Why should I care?  I don’t.  Not about anything.  So why waste time thinking about things I’ll never know the answer to?

I have nothing to do but think.  Of everything and nothing all at the same time.  I ask myself questions.  Stupid, pointless things because that’s what comes to mind.  I ask myself why a lot.

Why would the government create the cell?  I ask myself.

To help those who are depressed and suicidal.  I answer, using what the teachers tell us when we study this topic at school.

So why did it become mandatory?  I ask, providing myself with yet another question that I must guess the answer to.

To prevent others from feeling that way and so that we are all equal, not one person is above another just because the can or cannot feel.  I answer, solving one mystery for a moment.

So why make the pill?  I ask.

To make those who are reluctant more willing to the idea.  I provide yet another answer for myself.  The one that the school provided for us.

It doesn’t add up.  My brain warns me in a monotone voice.

Don’t question the government.  They created the cell to help the people.  I should be grateful for all that they’ve done, all that they’ve protected me from.  Feeling is dangerous.  It’s bad.  The cell is good.  I tell myself using the speech the teachers recited to us.

How long have I been here?  I ask, skipping topics easily.

Six days.  I answer.

I don’t love Jaxon.  I think.  My heart clenches at the thought.  Does that mean I’m lying?  Who cares?

Why would I care about anything?  Especially Jaxon.  The government has told me all my life that the people who don’t get the gene are terrorists and that going against the government was bad.  Jaxon was going against the government every time he felt any emotion.  He was stealing from innocent people’s businesses just so he could continue to break the law.  If he was caught he would be viewed as the enemy.  He could be tortured for information or just killed outright.  They wouldn’t make him a void.  That would be too risky.

I hear footsteps approaching.  My eyes drift to the gate that Claire didn’t bother to lock.  I wasn’t going to run.  I didn’t have any need to.  I didn’t care enough to bother.  Brantley appeared on the other side of the gate.  He offered a small, warm smile.  I didn’t bother trying to return it.