Paranoia

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"What do you want me to do, I don't know what you want from me anymore?!" Jake yells back at me as I break down crying; "be yourself Jake! just for once, do what you want to do, not what I want you to do!" he paces around the room in frustration "Aren't you happy? you have everything... I... I can't just do whatever I want, it doesn't work like that... do...do you want me to leave?" quietly I respond "what do you mean it doesn't work like that? and I don't... I don't know okay, I am just tired of everything I think I want you to stay but then I feel like I shouldn't even be here with you to begin" at this point I am more confused than ever, Jake doesn't say anything he just stares as if waiting for my command, I just sit there sobbing, I am tired of fighting him, I feel like I am fighting myself. A few weeks have passed by and thankfully I can remember everything that has happened, maybe because nothing major has happened. after a couple of hours of sitting outside on the porch by myself, Madison and my mother show up unexpectedly; "Mom, sis... What are you too doing here?" Madison replies " Jake called us and told us you needed to talk to someone, he knows you don't want to talk to him, so he thought you might talk to us" they both sit next to me my mother sits by my right side and my sister by my left "what is going on Anne? aren't you happy?" Madison asks; " I was for a while you know, but now I just don't know anymore, I feel lifeless, and fighting with Jake is like fighting my conscience, sometimes I feel like he is holding me back from something" with a sad look on her face my mother replies; "Well maybe it's time you wake up," shocked I reply "wait... what does that mean?" she replies "you know exactly what that means Anne" but as much as I gave it thought I had no idea what she was talking about, was I in denial about something?

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