Until He's Gone

Chapter Six

"Search your heart, search your soul, and when you find me there you'll search no more."
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I've always thought that fear came with darkness. They were always conjoined, for both of them triggered terror that made you sweat and shiver all over. When fear occupies your mind, you can't even think about anything else.

However, the darkness that had covered my thoughts a while ago was brightened once again by a light that was so dazzling and charming. I guessed it was innocence, and I wouldn't have been wrong at my guess.

And now that the darkness was gone, the fear I felt once I'd met Kevin had also slipped away with time and words, and was gone too.

"What's that you're holding into your arms?" Kevin asked curiously as I stood by the window with the frame in my arms.

"A drawing of mom." I felt my eyes burn. "She's gone."

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said in an acknowledging sad tone. His voice was so soft and deep, almost a whisper. He then asked, "How?"

"She was shot by a sniper, a few days before the World War started," I answered as I brushed away the tears that started forming.

"Oh, haven't you moved on already? Didn't your relatives or friends help you?" he asked.

I gave a loud sarcastic laugh, "Relatives? Are you serious? Kevin, relatives would never help you; they'd rather watch you suffer and lose this battle of life. I guess you should have experienced that too," I said, then added, "And well I've lost some of my friends in war too, and the rest migrated. There was only me and dad; the best one."

"Oh it's so great you have him, and yes you're definitely right. But why didn't you give yourself a chance after that?" he asked.

"What chance?" I asked.

"Happiness," he said with a shrug. He looked too beautiful under the thin gleam of sunlight.

I shook my head, "Honestly, I'm trying hard, but I'm afraid I can't be happy without her."

"No Lily, that's not wise. You ought to move on. C'mon you deserve happiness just like everyone does. And that's what your mother wanted from you, I suppose, right?" he said.

I said nothing. Instead, I turned away and stared through the window. How did he know what my mother wanted from me? Wasn't it supposed to be a secret between me and her?

Regardless, Kevin was right. I had to start searching for better ways to be gleeful. I had always been so gloomy and downhearted. Besides, I was the one who never gave dad the chance to be cheerful either.

He was always worried about me; he would seek for doctors, and explain to them how I never moved on since my mother's death. It made me feel so guilty and I wondered if I could ever repair all those stressful years for him.

Suddenly, I was snapped out my thoughts when I felt Kevin come closer to me. His face was too close to mine that I could almost see my reflection in the dark attractive pupils of his eyes. I could almost feel myself tense. His proximity was overwhelming. He seemed to waver slightly as he raised a hand and his fingers brushed my cheeks softly, almost against his will. My arms felt frozen at my sides, but I managed to wrench myself away with effort.

I heard him release a heavy annoyed sigh behind me which I decided to ignore.

"You're so stubborn," I heard him say. Though I knew what he meant, I tried avoiding such a kind of discussion.

"How come do you know? You just know me for some hours, so you can't prejudge me," I said, smiling as I sat down.

He shrugged and sat next to me on the sofa. His presence was so vivid. It was almost painful.