Looking into Misty Eyes

Chapter 21 ~ coping with the stress (Part 1)

Chapter 21

Pire had gone to the toilet, and left me on my own. After engaging in some small talk I felt oddly alone.

The room was now filled with chatter and music, I had the feeling of da ja vu.

Julies party hadn’t been all too long ago but as I sipped my watered down red cordial – making sure to stay soba – I went over the very crazy occurrences of the past couple of weeks.

I guess the idea that I was insane, or seeing ghosts, was just a regular part of my thought process now days. I wondered how short lived it would all be. Maybe I’d walk out of this party expecting some code on Monday etched magically onto my hand, but instead I’d just have a seemingly normal college day.

Part of me hoped it was all unreal, that this was merely a way of coping with the stress of studies and my father.

Just as I began debating whether or not counselling really was the right thing to put myself into, the very guy who had put the idea into my mind, and happened to be having his birthday drew my attention to him.

“Anna!” his voice seeped desperation, but maybe it was only clear to me because I was trying to avoid that.

“uh-hey,” I greeted back. My stomach swam with uneasiness, where was Pire?

I looked over Ties shoulder only to find a mass of nameless faces.

Focusing back onto Tie I attempted a smile.

“I wanted to talk to you,” he stated, I notice his eyes were avoiding me and his left hand was tightly wrapped around his bony right arm, the signs of insecurity.

I nodded waiting for him to continue, despite the vibe that he wanted nothing more than to make me feel at ease.

“I wanted to, apologise to you. It wasn’t in any way my right to suggest something so personal. I’m really,” he finally looked at me, his large eyes mirroring little warped images of me, “really sorry,”

Trying not to seem like a jerk of a girl, I bared my teeth into a wider smile, “it’s alright,” I said. There was that defenceless part of me that couldn’t fight through my upset stomach and scarred gut-full of words that I wanted to scream.

This isn’t fair, he shouldn’t get off that easily.

But maybe I was being a coward.

“That’s great!” he said breaking my inner-monologue, “I uh- also wanted to know if you wanted to see this movie with me tomorrow… you know so I can redeem myself?”  

While he babbled on a commotion behind our conversation caught my attention.

“What the hell Mark!” Marly pushed a tall figure into the circling wall that had been drawn to what must have been the start of a fight.

“-yeah sure,” I said, cutting Tie off and walked away, my blood going cold.

“You can’t just say that you want to end this!” my heart leaped for a moment, but I chastised myself.

“Please babe, let’s not do this here,” Mark put two firm hands on my room-mates shoulders.

I studied the situation, from what the red cup and pink cheeks suggested, Marly had gotten drunk.

“I’m not breaking up with you,” Mark stated.

She tore herself away making a sound that must have been a choked scream, “you just said-,” all of a sudden Carlys arms were wrapped around Marly and Jay had Marks forearm, both teams whispered in a moment of hushed awe.

What had Mark just said?

I wanted to know but other things were important at the moment.

Marly stammered away, Carly glanced at me, as if sensing me there, she shook her head, a glare painted on her face.

“What’d I miss?” a deep voice crackled over my shoulder. Pire.

He had missed something for sue, but I didn’t need to fill him in when it was obvious I was being judged at the moment. He wasn’t helping.

“Uhm… I’m not sure,” I muttered, not even glancing at him as I swept off into the opposite direction of the commotion.

The world around me seemed to blur, but not in the same way it would if I was about to see ghosts.

I felt ill.

My chest hummed with acid and my skin was flushed in ice.

Before I knew it, I was in the bathroom, head over the ceramic lid of a toilet, chucking up whatever was in me.

Someone came up behind me, taking my hair and softly speaking.

I was too caught up in my dilemma to notice who it was. At that moment I didn’t really care.

I kept going, my throat burning and eyes watering.

I hugged the bowl and groaned.

Unsure of if my tears were from throwing up, or being upset I just shut my eyes.

Whatever was happening right now, I was in the centre of it. I was no longer a wall flower.  

“It’s ok,” It was Mark.

I froze. Two moments ago he had been arguing with his girlfriend, my roommate, and also the person I should be supporting right now.

There was an unsettling pause in the air. Panic arose amongst other horrible feelings, and I couldn’t help but act on what my instincts told me to do.

I leaned back far enough to feel him there, and I pushed away from the mess I’d made. Then with a quick turn I left him.

I had to find Marly.

I wiped my mouth. I felt like I was going to pass out, and my stomach now hurt beyond belief.

I kept going and going, my mind knowing that Marly would be next door by now. That’s where I had to go.

To Marly.

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song of the chapter ~ Rita Ora: R.I.P feat Tinie Tempah