The Lovely Wounds (SpaMano)

Seeking the Tomato Vine

((A/N: Sorry this took so long. I'm terrible at updating. Okay. So. Down to the nitty gritty. After this chapter, there will only be two more to follow. I think I'm going to end it in a satisfying way, but it is about time I ended this. Hope you enjoy. Hopefully I'll finish quickly, too.))

Antonio was outside in the shadows getting fresh air. He needed to be away from all of the blinding lights and chaos that was the interior of the hospital. He needed a chance to breathe before Lovino got back from visiting his little brother.

Feliciano.

The few hours that had preceded that moment in time had been brutal. That poor boy was so hurt and broken, and Antonio couldn't help but feel that it was all his fault. He had distracted Lovino when he was supposed to be watching over Feliciano. He had tempted him with alcohol. He had clouded his thoughts with delusions of their past.

He couldn't help but wonder what could have changed. Should have gone along on this mission? Should none of them gone? Should Antonio just have remained in Spain? Lovino was doing fine before Antonio returned. He was good at his job from what the Spaniard had already seen. He had made a very secretive name for himself. He hadn't been on the Russian's radar, Francis had informed him. That is, he hadn't been until that night. It was Antonio's fault, he was sure of it. They shouldn't have spoken about the Russian that night. Someone must have heard. They should have kept their mouths shut. They should have paid more attention to Feliciano. Lovino was terrified of losing his brother, he could tell by the way he protected him. If Feliciano died that night, Antonio would only blame himself. Feliciano and Lovino could have handled themselves, but Lovino was too worried over the Spaniard. It wasn't as if Antonio couldn't take on a few Russians, either. He was more than capable of handling himself and a gun at the same time. Lovino didn't know... That had to be their downfall. He should have told him. If that was not the case, then Antonio's inability to think clearly when Lovino was around was. The real danger arose when he was around his beautiful Italian. With him, Antonio lowered all of his defenses. He didn't pay any mind or attention to the world around him. He trusted far too easily when his corazon was in front of him. After so many years away, Antonio could not get enough of Lovino. He was everything, but being near him was dangerous. The Spaniard couldn't keep himself in check, that much was obvious.

Antonio leaned beneath a tree, a tired expression reading through his eyes. He frowned and pulled a pack of cigarettes from the breast pocket of the blazer he was wearing. With it he also grabbed a lighter. He pulled one of the cigarettes from the pack and sighed. He had sworn to himself he'd quit ages ago, before he came back to Lovino, but that hadn't happened. They were too good a stress reliever. He looked to the ground and shook his head. He felt rather guilty about leaving Lovino in the first place...

Five years ago...

That day was so difficult. With his grandmother waiting in the kitchen, he couldn't pack much of his things. He took the necessities from his bathroom, and a few gifts he couldn't part without. One of those was a journal with a flattened flower inside.

Lovino had given it to him on his birthday after they took an adventure in the downtown area of the city. They stopped at a cafe, and Antonio was surprised to see a room full of roses and cute things. Lovino had planned it all. They sat at the center of the cafe, and at their table was a single white daisy, the Spaniard's favorite. Antonio had put it in his hair after pinning a few of the curls back with two bobby pins. Lovino berated him about looking like a girl, but left the daisy in place. It had been in his journal since that night. The journal itself was another gift from Lovino. It was a black, leather bound book with a note in Lovino's chicken scratch writing. It was so simple, telling him happy birthday, but to Antonio, it was just another dash of that ever so rare affection from Lovino.