I Pray for Death

Chapter Thirteen

Pulling my mind out of unconsciousness was the most difficult thing I had ever done.  The pain and memories were there to haunt me as my mind cleared.  My body was broken but my mind was alive and working overtime.  Random flashbacks drew me down into depression and my heart filled with the pain of betrayal and hatred.  How could my parents do this to me?  Years of abuse had not prepared me for the pain I went through or the soul deep hurt I felt now.  I knew they would come for me, I just hadn’t thought about how it would feel to live through it.  

I lay in the hospital bed keeping my eyes closed to prevent the tears from falling.  Every part of my body was sore and stiff from the injuries I sustained and lying still for so long.  When Hope told me I was comatose for three weeks; I was shocked.  I couldn’t believe I had lost three weeks of my life.  She danced around the subject of my parents, muttering that they were caught and in jail.  Hope telling me that I was a part of their family now had made tears spring to my eyes at the thought that they would even want me.  Faith even asked if I was okay with it.  I nodded but felt as if I didn’t deserve the kindness they were giving me.  

I could feel Grayson’s eyes on me as he sat beside my bed.  The thought of him brought a warm and wonderful feeling into my heart.  Seeing him when I woke up was the greatest gift I had ever had and thinking about his words only made the feeling stronger.  

 He looked tired and worry etched his face.  He even looked like he had lost weight.  I hated that I put him through so much stress but a look of unadulterated relief and happiness transformed his features as soon as he knew I was going to be fine.  It had almost led me to believe that maybe he could love me but now I was more broken than ever and I still believed he deserved better.

 I opened my eyes and glanced to the side.  My eyes met Grayson’s, he smiled and leaned forward in his chair.  

“Hey, I was beginning to think you were going to sleep all day.”  

“Sorry, you would think I wouldn’t be tired after sleeping for three weeks but I feel exhausted.”  I whispered with a tiny shrug.  My throat was sore and scratchy and I could still feel the imprint of the breathing tube.  

“Its fine, you need to rest so you can come home sooner.”  At the mention of home, meaning his home, the tears washed into my eyes once again.  

Grayson noticed and took my hand.  “What’s wrong?”  The vulnerability in his voice and eyes caught me off guard.  

I shook my head and stared at the wall in front of the bed.  “For the first time I don’t have to be afraid to go home.  I’m going to have a nice family and people who care about me.  I’m just so relieved and thankful.”  I muttered and glanced back at Grayson.  His eyes were glossy with sheen of tears but a smile played over his lips.  

“You have no idea how happy I am that you’re coming home with me.  I know we haven’t known each other long but I care about you a lot.”  He gripped my hand a little tighter; enveloping my thin, pale hand in his warm, sun browned one.  

“Thanks.”  I whispered, for lack of any thing else to say.  I wanted to say I cared about him too but I was afraid my real emotions would show themselves.  He would be able to read the love I felt for him on my face and then he would pull back.  He wouldn’t want someone like me.  

I realized then that no matter what you’ve gone through, you never lose the capacity to love.  I didn’t want to be bitter and depressed the rest of my life, I wanted to move on and learn what true happiness was.  Life would go on and I would learn to live a normal life.  

***

Time went by slowly in the hospital.  One day merged into the next and I had to tell Grayson to go home and rest.  After assuring him a million times that I was perfectly fine; he left and I was alone.  He left behind books and his ipod but I didn’t feel like reading and I didn’t know how to work the ipod, so I left it alone, afraid I would mess it up.  It was pathetic that I didn’t know anything about new technology, music or TV but I was sure I could catch up quickly.  

As the days passed, my body and mind healed.  I watched TV, ate everything in sight and laughed with Grayson about silly things of no consequence.  I couldn’t remember laughing so much in my life.  Laughing eased the pain in my heart and being with Grayson healed it.  

I became more and more anxious to go home.  Another week passed before I was loaded into a wheelchair and released from the hospital.  I still had two more weeks of casts on my arms and legs, so I wouldn’t be going anywhere or doing anything but I was genuinely happy to go to my new home.  Being next door to my old one would be hard but I was determined not to let the memories drag me down.  

Once in the car Hope and Faith couldn’t seem to be silent for more than five seconds.  “Oh, I can’t wait for you to see your room!  Faith painted and I decorated.  We wanted you to have something special for when you came home!  Oh, I’m so excited!  If you don’t like it, we can change it.”  They went on and on and all I could do was smile at their enthusiasm.  They acted as if they were gaining a priceless gem instead of an ordinary girl.  It made me feel special and loved.  

I looked at Grayson who rode next to me to see him watching me with a smile of his own.  He broke into the chatter and said, “You’ll love it, Faith is a painter and does incredible things.”  

“Really, what does Hope do?”  I asked as we pulled into the familiar driveway.  

“She’s a speech therapist, so I don’t know about her decorating skills.”  He replied with a grin.  The comment earned him a dirty look from Hope but she ended up turning away to hide a smile.  

Grayson lifted me from the car and gently placed me into the wheelchair the hospital had provided for me.  As he pushed me to the front door I stared over my shoulder at my old house.  It was dark and barren, and I was surprised that I could look at it without dread or spite.  My bad memories were attached to the people who had lived there; it was just a house now.  

Hope led the way into the house with her nonstop chatter and went straight down the hall.  She stood in front of the guest bedroom, which was now my room and gestured as if she was a model on ‘The Price Is Right.’  

“Okay, are you ready?”  She asked, grinning from ear to ear.  I laughed and nodded.  She opened the door and Grayson pushed me through.  

My mouth dropped open and my eyes went wide as I took in the beauty of the room.  The walls were a painted in a panoramic scene of a sun setting behind a forest.  Purples, pinks and oranges made up the sunset and the forest was in silhouette.  The wall next to the bed had a swing set with the silhouettes of a girl and boy swinging through the air holding hands.  I was speechless, never had I seen anything so lovely.  All the furniture had been replaced too.  Instead of white it was dark cherry, the bedding done in matching sunset colors.  My eyes roamed the room but always came back to the figures on the swing.  Tears burned my eyes but happiness radiated from deep within me.  

“I think she likes it.”  Grayson whispered from behind me and I laughed.

“Are you kidding me?  This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  Thank you for doing this for me.  I love it.”  I said and looked at everyone so they could see the pleasure I felt.  “How did you know I would love the swing?”  I asked Faith.

“I asked Grayson what he thought you would like and he told me to look out the back door.”  She smiled and quickly added, “The couple was my idea.”  

“I love it, all of it.  Thank you so much!”  My eyes floated back to the couple and their entwined hands.  The whole thing spoke of peace and happiness.  

I knew I would spend countless hours staring at that couple and thinking about everything they represented to me.  

I was finally home.

(Bunny's note)  Sorry it took me a couple of days.  Thanks for reading, please comment, vote and fan!  Pic on side was my inspiration!  Bye My Bunnies!<3