what hurts the most

CHAPTER 12.

The night that same day, I was online as usual. At first, it was my normal dose of internet routine, until Ran messaged me through Yahoo Messenger. We were always on Yahoo Messenger(YM) randomly sending each other messages. We weren't on facebook that much, then, so YM was our paradise.

When I thought he was over it, he wasn't. He started pestering me on YM, asking me what I wanted to tell him. I was even contemplating on telling him that I forgot what I was going to tell him. But I knew he wouldn't believe me.

Ran: Ano nga kasi 'yung sasabihin mo sana?

Duday: Pahingi muna gift sa Farmville, saka sasabihin ko.

Ran: Sige, sige.

Ran: Yan meron na.

Duday: Kain muna ako...

Ran: Sige...kami rin kakain na. Kain maigi. J

After a while, he message me on facebook, still trying to convince me.

Ran: Ano nga sasabihin mo sana?

Duday: Hmmm...wag na lang ata, next time na lang.

Ran: Haha, next month...

Duday: Kasi...

I didn't continue writing on facebook and logged off. I went back eventually on YM to restart the conversation.

Duday: Basta, kapag sinabi ko na sa'yo 'to, friends pa rin tayo, ah? Mag-uusap pa rin tayo. Promise?

Ran: Oo nga!

I took a deep breath, before proceeding on typing what I was trying to avoid telling him all day.

Duday: I love you. Kahit nakakahiya, inaamin ko na.

Those were the exact words I typed and sent to him. There was relief, but also fear of what he was typing as a reply.

Ran: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Eeeeeeeeeeeee.

And that was the exact reply I got from him. He went offline after sending those. I didn't know how to react to his reaction. It was crazy. I was happy that I finally got to say what I wanted say for years. But at the same time, his reply told me so much. His disbelief, probably.

I was lost for a minute, thinking how I'd be able to face him the next morning. It was hard to fall asleep that night.