what hurts the most

CHAPTER 3.

The days that followed gave the both of us a lot of time to goof around class. It didn't have to be officially said that we became best of friends, but it showed. We were obnoxiously loud at times, and that sent our teacher into separating Ran and I. I was asked to change seats. My new seatmate was Wayne, and Ran's new seatmate was Morisette.

I didn't have to be a good detective to realize that Morisette, after all this time, had a crush on Ran. To be fair, Ran is one of the most handsome guys in our batch, so it wasn't much of a surprise when Morisette told basically everyone in class that she liked him.

Surprisingly though, when I knew about it, I was irritated. One, because I was pulled away from my best friend, and two, his new seatmate is my ex-friend who likes him. Wayne, my new seatmate, noticed something else about me. Apparently, I, too, liked Ran.

"Ran?" Wayne wondered when he saw what I wrote in my palm – an old-fashioned writing-the-name-of-your-crush-everywhere kind of writings on my palm.

"H-ha?" I stuttered as I tried to pretend that I had nothing written on my palm.

"Crush mo siya, ano?" Wayne gave me the i-already-know look. I sighed and nodded.

"Secret lang natin 'to, ha?"

"Siyempre naman." He reassured me with a smile.

Since the new seating arrangement, I didn't have much interaction with Ran. I even caught myself several times irritated with the people who surrounded him. My ex-friends who warned me about him started to befriend him. The distance between Ran and I had become a catalyst of my realization that I actually liked him more than just a friend.

There was one time when I saw Morisette give Ran a letter – which I guessed was a love letter. This became news to the whole class, so I went to Ran to annoy him into letting me read the letter.

"Kuya, sige na! Patingin!" I asked while laughing, but he wouldn't budge. I thought I was curious not because I was jealous, but because I wanted to know why he was trying to suppress a laugh.

"Ayoko nga." He answered, teasing me. I pretended that I was upset and was ready to walk out when a close friend entered the room.

"Xavier! Pakikuha 'yung letter na hawak ni Ran oh, please?" I asked him. Okay, in retrospect, I shouldn't have asked him to do that because a) it wasn't mine, and I had no right, and b) it was disrespectful to both Ran and Morisette. But I was young and honestly, I was socially dumb.

Xavier did as I asked and I ran out with the letter. Ran didn't do anything about it, and wasn't mad at all. I hastily read the letter. Morisette wrote about transferring school the next year, and that she was hoping Ran would give her his phone number and address so she can still reach him.

I was laughing my heart out while reading it. Her desperation weirded me out. It was just a crush. There was no need to ask for your crush's address. But I guess, we all do dumb stuff when we like someone, especially when we are young as heck.

I didn't get to read the whole letter because Morisette eventually saw me holding her letter. Flustered, she grabbed the pages of paper from me and tore it into pieces.

"Bakit mo ginawa 'yon?" I complained, as if I was in position to complain about something that's not even mine.

"Ano ka ba? Baka makita ni Arman." She declared as if it would mean something if the Arman guy actually sees it. Arman was one of the guys she liked.

"Eh, ano naman kung makita niya?" I replied before walking back to the classroom.

The day ended with my realization: I was jealous of her. Of how brave she was in declaring how much she likes someone. How secure she was with herself that it was okay for her if Ran or Arman or anyone would reject her. Yes, she could be crazy as heck, but she was confident. I wanted that.