what hurts the most

CHAPTER 10.

We started talking again, but it wasn't the same way as before. Perhaps because we were starting to grow out of it, or perhaps we were slowly told that boys and girls as best friends never really work out in the long run. People always thought that it was impossible for opposite sex to be best friends without ending up together – which I'm guessing weirded him out a little.

One of our classmates even noticed how scarce our conversations have become. The classmate wondered how we went from being the closest and best of friends from 4th grade, to whatever that was. If we ever talked, it wouldn't collectively last for more than 2 minutes in a day.

There was this one time when Ran and Angel had a fight. The fight was ugly and loud as heck, and it led to Angel throwing Ran's books. This sent him on a full rage mode, and they went outside the class room to fight. The whole class was left inside, stunned and confused about what they were fighting about.

I had (still have) issues over people fighting and screaming over each other, so I wasn't able to get in between them to stop whatever was going on. Instead, I was inside the room picking up all of Ran's stuff that was thrown earlier. I tried to put it back to his chair, like I always did for him.

I didn't need him to know it was me, nor did I need a "thank you". He was mad after his things were thrown because they were important to him. Everything and anything that was important to him, was also important to me. I guess at some point in 6th grade I thought to myself how much I wanted to protect him and everything he holds dear to him.

We rarely had our playful moments in 6th grade, but when we do get playful, our teachers are always on-guard to notice it and ready to tease us both about it.

"Nakakainis naman kasi!" I said while we were checking each other's seatwork paper in Math. Ran was purposely teasing me, trying to mark my correct answers as wrong. He was laughing his heart out, while I was annoyed and trying to get back on him. We ended up laughing and catching Sir James' attention.

Sir James, instead of being annoyed at both of us, smiled and gave us THE look, again.

"Baka mamaya magka-develop-an kayong dalawa diyan, ha?" He teases. The whole class followed.

"Sus, never!" I answered and looked at Ran, waiting for him to agree with me. But as always, he's silent when the class is teasing us.

This reminds me of that one time when a group of us were talking to our homeroom teacher, Miss Mira. As one of the many teachers who was always energetic when talking about me and Ran. This sounds like the obsession of teachers about pairing us up is exaggerated, but it's real. And I am aware how insane it was.

"Alam mo, Duday, magiging kayo rin niyan. Susundan ka kahit saan ka mapunta." She told me once when she found out that I actually have a crush on Ran.

"Ma'am? Eh, magdo-doctor ako at siya piloto. Paano 'yun?"

"Eh 'di magnu-nurse siya. Para lagi kayong magkasama." She insisted.

"Magma-madre na pala ako para hindi na makasunod." I answered, hoping she'd run out of things to say back.

"Eh 'di magpa-pari siya para makasama ka pa rin niya." Miss Mira was laughing at her own answer.

"Ma'am, naman. Asar!" Defeated, and nothing witty to tell her, I gave up.

"Bakit? Nagsasabi lang naman ako ng totoo." She said as she gave me the now familiar look. The look she'd give me when she tells me I'm beautiful and all the positive quotes she has in stock.

Well, over 10 years after Miss Mira and I had that conversation and I was not able to pursue medicine (yet), I did not go celibate to become a nun, and Ran is nowhere near me (as far as I know). Everything we talked about did not happen. I have become an engineering major, and as for Ran, I don't know. But I hope he's on his way to fulfill his dreams to become a pilot. Or if he somehow found a calling on a different career, I hope and wish him success on whatever he has chosen. And I hope...I hope he finds his way back.