Secret Desire (Nyssara FanFic)

Dimming Hope

Sara balled over the heartbreaking encounter she had created. She has done it again. She had broken the heart of the very person who has given her every single bit of herself. How could she have let it come to that? She should have talked it over with Nyssa the moment the thought of coming back home to Starling City, to her family, crossed her mind. Why didn't she? She was so consumed by the guilt she felt of forgetting about her family, she then forgot to include Nyssa in the decision. She forgot Nyssa had played the greatest part in her life for the longest time.

She thought of leaving without saying goodbye, but she owed Nyssa too much to do so. She wondered what if she had done just that, maybe she would have spared them both of the heartbreak, but of course she wouldn't have; maybe herself, but she would still have broken Nyssa to pieces.

She wants to stay and try to mend things with her, but she knew there was no going back from what she had done, and she can no longer bear the thought of not seeing her family. It was done, she should at least live up to the decision she had made and probably still get something good out of it. She then embarked on her journey back to her family in Starling City without another word to anyone else in Nanda Parbat. She knew the dangers of it, but to hell with it, she would see her family no matter what; she had already paid a great price for it anyway.

Nyssa sought comfort in the darkest corners of Nanda Parbat. She needed the silence and solitude more than ever. The first time Sara had almost completely broken her, she had resorted to grief and anger fueled violence; now, she simply couldn't. She doesn't even have it in her to throw a punch, or break something. She, herself, was broken enough.

Her eyes burned from the tears that they have shed as she wallowed in her sorrows. There she was planning a future with her, yet she had already considered leaving her behind. She knew she could have handled it better. Things didn't have to go a wry like that. She could have just gone along when Sara had thought to offer for her to go with her. Things wouldn't have ended between them then. They could still have continued being happy together, not completely, but happy on a level that they could work things out. But the realization of the burning fear coming alive and gripping at her throat was just too much for her to give in and simply accept whatever little next to none that was being offered to her. That moment, she started questioning everything again. Did she truly love her? Or did she just feel indebted to her? The pain of it all ate at her more and more.

She tried to cling onto the faint light still glowing in her heart. She hoped in all her brokenness, that despite the things she had said; despite telling her to leave; she hoped Sara would still stay and try to make things right with them. But the low glimmer of hope in her dimmed ever so slowly at the sight of her beloved hiding in the dark, taking her leave from the place she once called home, her place with Nyssa.

She wanted to run after her, rappel down those walls, jump and cross over through every hurdle, and just run after her. She wanted to hold her in her arms, hold her tight, never wanting to let go. She wanted to beg her to stay, apologize for everything, promise anything, as long as she stays. But she just stood there, pinned down in place with all the hurt and pain that has left every bit of her lifeless and numb.

Hope caught a hold of her once more when Sara stopped in her tracks as if hearing her silent pleas. 'Don't go, Sara. Please, don't go. I love you. Please, just don't.' She thought she would at least look back to see if she was watching. Then that hope was once again snuffed out as Sara continued to walk away, further and further away from her.

"What did she do?" The familair voice was laced with anger and hurt. Nate had been watching her long enough to conclude things between Nyssa and Sara had turned for the worse again. It wasn't fair of him to accuse and give Sara the sole blame.