Secret Rulebook of Cheating

Rule #32: Confessions Hurt

I had barely managed to make the tears stop when I got home. I was sure the traces were still visible on my face but smudged make-up was the last thing that I cared about at the moment.

"Hey, you're back early," Brandon said cheerfully as I entered the living room. He was sitting on the couch and I stopped at the doorframe. That was when he saw my face and jumped to his feet. "What's wrong, boo?"

I looked down at my feet. "I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" I heard the concern in his voice. I didn't dare look at him.

"I... I did something," I mumbled. "Something bad."

"Boo, you're scaring me. What is it?" He walked over to me and lifted my chin to make me look at him. The tears were already welling up in my eyes. "You can tell me anything." His voice was so tender.

"I know I can. But I know you're not going to look at me the same way when I do." I felt like I was stalling, savouring the last few moments I had with him. Because when he knew the truth, that would be over.

Now he looked worried. He cupped my face. "Boo, what happened? Tell me."

I bit the tears back. I didn't want to be a sappy mess and manipulate him by crying. I needed to say this and endure whatever came after. I wasn't a coward. He deserved to know.

I swallowed hard. "When I was on vacation with Rob and Dan and the girls, I..." I wanted to look away but he was holding my face. His worried eyes were watching me expectantly. So caring, I couldn't take it anymore. I closed my eyes. "I slept with someone," I confessed, my voice close to a whisper.

His hands fell from my cheeks and I lifted my eyelids. He looked like I had just punched him in the face.

"I didn't mean for it to happen." A sudden outburst of excuses started leaving my mouth. "It just did. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean for any of it."

He stood frozen for what felt like forever. I didn't dare touch him. I just waited. What more could I possibly say?

After a long moment he walked back and sat on the couch, the stunned expression now shaded with hurt.

"Who is he?" he asked, flat, looking straight ahead.

I didn't move from my spot. "Just a guy I met earlier this summer. A friend of Dan's. You don't know him."

His head snapped my way. "Earlier this summer? You've been hanging out with him?"

I stared at him for a moment. After what I had just confessed, I didn't think I could actually make it worse. But I did.

"Not by my choice." More excuses found their way out of my lips. "He just popped whenever I went out with the guys. He wasn't supposed to be on this vacation. I never would have gone if I knew he was going to be there."

"So what you're telling me is that you knew he was after you and despite that you still hung out with him?" Brandon twisted my words.

"He wasn't after me," I denied, thrown off balance. "At least I didn't know he was."

"God, Nicole, how can you be so naïve?"

Brandon assumed Jason had been the initiator of things and not the other way around. I let him. I wasn't really sure that wasn't entirely true anyway. I may have said something first but Jason was the one who kept showing up and teasing me and making these insinuations. So maybe it was as much him as it was me. I remained silent. Those details wouldn't do any good right now.