Happy Endings

Number Three; The Longing

For the rest of the day, Nathan was stuck to me like glue.

He walked with me to every class, sat by me at lunch, hell, he ignored every other breathing person like they didn't exist.

I tried multiple times to tell him he shouldn't stick with me, but he always brushed it off, and commented on something else, totally blocking my comment.

Now, it was the end of the day, and he had been behind me the whole time I was at my locker.

"Nathan..." I sighed, slamming the locker closed, and turned around to see his puppy face, eyes excited.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you hanging out with me?" I asked, and he rolled his eyes, making a dramatic frown.

"Well, I already told you-"

"No. No don't do that. You can't block off the question every time I ask you. I'm a no one, I live my own life, I told you I didn't want any friends, why are you still here? I've been a bitch to you all day." He frowned at me, before losing the playful act, shifting his broad shoulders.

"Because Alicia, no one deserves to be alone. I don't pity you, I actually like you. I like that you don't give a damn. I like that your head strong, and not afraid what you want to say. You're honest, and I bet if you'd just accept I'm here to stay, you wouldn't be a bitch, and that your a kind, caring person. Your hiding something. I know that too. Something that makes you get cut off from the world, to stay inclosed forever." He was dead serious, his eyes seeming to peel layers of my secrets off of me, and I suddenly felt exposed.

Don't look at me like that. I wanted to say, but it got caught in my throat, and I stood frozen.

"Plus, I already put my number in your phone." I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering how he got a hold of my phone.

"How did-"

"Un-necessary details." He waved it off.

I glowered at him.

"I stole it during lunch when you weren't looking." He caved, and I rolled my eyes at him, shaking my head.

"Look, your a nice guy and everything, like really, I just can't be your friend-"

"This sounds like a break up." He blurted, and I sighed, rubbing my temple.

"Okay fine. We can't be friends. We're not going to be friends. Its not going to happen and it can't, your nice, too nice for my 'world' as you put it. It just can't happen. I'm sorry." I said, making him shake his head.

"You really think that's going to stop me?" He said.

God dammit, does this kid ever know how to take no for an answer?

"Look, I don't care what you think of this bullshit, 'we can't be friends' thing." He snipped, and I gaped at him.

"I'm your friend. I'm going to keep being your friend. Look, I know it's only been a day, but I really like hanging out with you, and honestly I can't imagine going on here without you. This isn't a declaration of dying love, Alicia, I'm just asking you to be me friend." He sounded desperate now as he lightly grabbed onto my arm when I tried stepping away.

"Please, don't run away. I don't know what your going through right now, and I'm not asking you to tell me, but please, don't run away." But I did.

My heart pounded in my chest, my palms sweated as I wiped them on my jeans, aware of his hand touching me.

Attachment is a no. This is senior year, I have to stay strong. I don't need some annoying, attractive new guy to show up and ruin it all for me.

I quickly yanked my arm away from him, and fled.

"Wait, Alicia! Come back!" He called after me.

I ran out of the school and to my jeep, slamming the keys into the ignition and racing out of the parking lot.

No one deserves to be alone.

I picked up Kelsey up the way home, and she seemed especially happy today, talking and ranting, and my head throbbed, a headache forming.

"Kelsey, could you quiet down please? I have a
really big headache." I said, making her instantly quiet down, eyes understanding.

"Sure sissy."

It was quiet the whole way home, and we snuck back in the house - an old squat building with brown, peeling paint - after realizing our dad was gone.

"He's probably at the casino or bar." I told Kelsey, and she smiled in relief.

"Here," I took off her backpack, hanging it on the dining room chair. I faked a smile at her.

"Go get in the shower, and I'll make dinner with you as soon as your out, we're going to make your favorite tonight." She jumped happily, bounding down the hallway and up the stairs to take a shower.

The house stunk of alcohol and smoke, beer cans and glasses littered and shattered across the floor, some stains forever embedded into the carpet, mystery holes in the walls. We never cleaned around here, knowing full well dad didn't like it, and to take him about an hour to screw up everything again.

I slumped upstairs into mine and Kels bedroom, my feet heavy, instantly filling with a emptiness inside me.

I limply laid on my bed, tears welling in my eyes.

No one deserves to be alone.

Form Two of Crying; The Longing.

This is the one, where it's usually by yourself, and you feel that cold emptiness inside you, so numb and dank, that you just don't know how to fill it again.

Where you clutch your pillow tight to your chest, and let silent tears fall, the sobs vacant, only numbness filling in you. A cold feeling no one wanted to feel.

That was me. I curled into my pillow, unaware of the cold tears running as I sniffed quietly.

No one deserves to be alone.

And Nathan was right. No one did.

But I had to be.

I did want a friend. I wanted one so badly, someone to talk to and laugh with. Someone I could confide too, and cry with. But I don't honk anyone in my school understands my situation, and more would be scared to talk to me then be my friend.

Nathan didn't know.

He doesn't know, and that's just the thing. I can tell him, or even he'll leave me, get freaked out and leave like others, never talking to me again.

But God, jus one friend. One friend I wanted, but I couldn't have.

And it irritated me.

Why couldn't I have friends? Why did I get stuck with a bastard of a father? Why couldn't I be normal, with a loving family, only worrying about saving money for my new car and the movie I was going to catch on Friday?

I didn't want all this responsibility, I never asked for this.

But I had to do it, I had to stay. I had to protect Kelsey, and get her through school. I had to make sure my dad didn't die from alcohol poisoning -which I'm surprised he hasn't yet- and I have to stay and finish up school so I can go to college and maybe, just maybe get a normal life.

"Just one friend." I whispered, Nathan's kind face staring slipping in my mind. A tear slipped off my chin, splashing on my arm.

"I just want one friend." My voice cracked as I stuffed my face harder into my tear-damp pillow, knowing I can't have any friends. My life didn't have room for any.

No one deserves to be alone.