Recover & Forgivness Book 1 & 2

Recover chapter 3

There's always next time.

What the hell does that mean? I thought. Was he saying we could try again? But he's dead. Right? What does he mean? Is this all just someone playing some kind of sick joke?

I walked towards the living room not knowing what would happen next. What did he mean when he said that I would find something out even if I'm not ready. What was up with these notes anyway? It's almost as if they were clues leading up to something. But what could it be?

Sometimes I just feel like I'm being sucked in to a big black whole and everyone is just standing by and watching. Some days, I just sit and stare at the picture of Jeremy and myself at our first prom. He looked so good in his new suit and blood red tie that matched my knee length dress. Jeremy always thought I looked good in red, but I don't like it because it's the same colour that runs through our veins.

Just thinking about my broken heart made me start to cry again. I cried and cried and cried until finally I had enough of everything. I ran to the bathroom and opened the cabinet. I searched through everything and finally found what I was looking for; a little pink bottle full with lots of shiny blue pills. I filled a glass with water and swallowed them all until my world turned black.

I was in a dark tunnel. In the distance I could vagualy see a light so I decided to make my way towards it. As I got closer, I saw him, he was there, right in front of me. I ran towards a smiling Jeremy as fast as I could. When I was almost at him he held out his hand, I smiled and held out my own. Our fingers brushed for only a split second and then someone started pulling me. Their pull was so strong that I couldn't fight it, I tried, I was kicking and screaming but it made no difference. Suddenly I heard an unfamiliar voice. "We got a pulse," they said.

I opened my eyes and saw Ruby sitting with her head down. She looked up and smiled when her eyes met mine, then attacked me with a huge hug."What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have any idea how scared I was? Why would you try to kill yourself? Did you even think of me when you took all those pills? What would I have done without you?"

Her eyes looked at me pleadingly and I could see the unshed tears in them but I wasn't really paying attention, all I could think about was Jeremy. "I saw him, Ruby." I said.

She looked at me confused. "Who did you see?"

I smiled thinking about my encounter with the love of my life. "Jeremy." I said simply, then I layed back and closed my eyes.

Being in the hospital was like a living hell. The only thing that kept me from pulling the plug was him. Well, not literally pulling the plug, that would result in no TV for me, but you know what I meant.

Dr. Howard told me that I should go see a therapist so I don't try to kill myself again. Before I knew it, Ruby had moved in with me, she said she wanted to keep a close eye on me, it was a pretty good idea. I was really lonely since Jer- since he died.

Life was nice having Ruby around. I always had someone to talk, laugh and cry with. We were just sitting having TV one day when Ruby turned to face me. "So Jasmin, you never told me if you were pregnant or not."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not pregnant okay? I done the test."

She looked disapointed at my answer. "Oh... that's too bad, but there's always next time, I guess." Okay, why do people keep saying that? I don't plan on getting pregnant any time soon. "Hey, you want to go to the club tonight?"

Was she crazy? Why would I want to go to a club full of sweaty guys trying to grind against me. "Um... no thanks Ruby. But I actually want to show you something."

I grabbed her by the wrist and led her to the bedroom. I went to the shelf where the notes from Jeremy. She read every last one then looked at me wide-eyed. "I don't get it. Did he know he was going to die or is he playing some kind of trick on you?"

She handed me back the notes and I put them on the shelf. I sighed. "I'm not sure." I said.

She looked suspicious. "Maybe he's still alive and he just wants you to find him or something."

I rolled my eyes at her stupidity. "Ruby, he's dead and he's not coming back. I saw them put him in the ground."

She started pacing around the room, looking deep in thought. She pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a loud sigh then turned to me. "Maybe someone dug him up. Ugh, what I mean is... maybe he faked his death? Think about it Jasmin, it's possible. He said you were wrong about stuff and you're going to find out blah blah blah. This could be what he meant."

So she thinks he may have faked his death. What if he done this so he didn't have to marry me, I thought. Maybe he didn't really love me, and just didn't want to hurt my feelings. "Jasmin, we need to flip the bed and find that note." Ruby said.

We flipped the matress to find a note tucked in the spars.

Dear Jasmin,

It was so good to see you again. But don't you ever try and kill yourself again, understand? Are you crazy? There is a reason I'm not with you Jasmin, your just not quite readyto find out yet. I do love you, with all my heart. I want you to go to the place where we had our first date and look under the chairs. You will find the next note there. I'm sorry that you're not ready Jasmin, all I am doing is keeping you safe from him.

All my love,

- Jeremy