Add Friend || Solby

Chapter 13

Let me catch you up on what has happened so far.

When Colby decided to grace me with his presence, he knew instantly that I was high. He asked 'are you baked?', to which I answered 'as a cake'. That didnt seem to amuse him, considering he angrily dragged me out of the house and buckled me into his car.

Which by the way, I am fully capable of buckling myself in. Just because I'm high, doesnt mean I'm a child. Besides, I'm not even that high. I only smoked 3 blunts, and gave the rest to a guy at the party.

Anyway, Colby is all pissy because I got high. He flipped out because he 'couldnt believe someone gave me weed, and that I was stupid enough to take it'.

I dont know how he couldnt believe it, it was his great idea to take me to this pot party. He's mad at me for smoking, when I should be mad at him for being a liar.

He told me that this was a party for Mikey, but nobody even mentioned his name. This was just a stupid party for all the popular people from high school to get together and act like idiots.

"You're a liar" I said, breaking the silence. The whole car ride had been silent. Not a single word from either of us.

He glanced at me for a moment before looking back at the road. He knows exactly what I mean, and he knows I'm right, so he didnt even bother saying anything. He just kept his eyes on the road and I noticed his grip on the wheel tighten. He probably feels bad about it, feels bad about lying to me.

"I only went to this stupid party because I thought you'd open up." I began. I crossed my arms and looked at him.

I thought he was finally going to express how he felt. I thought this was his way of telling me he isnt some cold hearted demon and he actually does have feelings. I thought that he wanted to have me here to make the pain go away, but no. He only wanted to drag me along to a stupid party with stupid people to do stupid things.

I shouldnt have come, even if it was for Mikey. Its not like I liked the guy anyway, its not like he actually meant something to me. I dont care if he is dead, I hate him. I hate everything he did to me. Nobody should have to suffer like I did, nobody should have to suffer at all.

"I wish I never came. I shouldn't have, even if it was for Miley. I know you're grieving right now, I know part of you is, but let me tell you something about Mikey...You know he bullied me, but did you know that he's why everyone else did too? Did you know he use to call me 'Gayboch'. Did you know he outed me to the school? Did you know that after graduation, what he did to me fucked me up so bad that I forced myself to forget everything that happened in high school, including the fact that I loved you?" My eyesight became blurry and I could feel my face heat up.

The last part wasnt meant to be said out loud. The last part wasnt meant to be said at all. It was complete word vomit, once I started I couldnt stop.

Colby looked over at me and his eyes widened. I know Im completely red from embarrassment. I felt like he was never going to stop looking at me. It was suffocating. I cant believe I just told him that.

I broke the eye contact, and when I looked over to the road I saw a giant red truck in front of us. I screwed my eyes shut and held onto Colbys arm tightly. I felt like my grip was so tight, his arm would fall off.

I dont want to die. Why couldnt he just keep his eyes on the road!

My body jolted left, and I was practically on top of Colby. I opened my eyes when the car stopped and held onto my ears. The honking of cars was horrible, it gave me the worst headache ever.

There were several stopped cars, most were stopped because we were in the way. The red truck had passed and we are on the wrong side of the road. We both began panting as we stared at the road in shock. When he caught his breath and began driving again, he stupidly looked at me.

"Dont look at me, look at the road!" I yelled, flailing my arms in the direction of the road. My gestures were meant to direct his attention to the road, but all it did was make me look crazy.

"No, I want to hear what you were saying earl-"
"Look at the fucking road!" I yelled, cutting him off.

"Not until you fucking tell me about what you were saying earlier!" He yelled back.

"Ok but look at the road!" I held onto his jaw and turned his face towards the road and held it there. "You want to hear more about what I was saying earlier? Yeah, ok, Fine! I loved you—or at least as a teenager I thought I loved you. I dont know if I actually did, but I use to do stupid things like write your name on everything, I even use to think about what it would be like to date you. I-I know I was a stupid teenager, but I use to think I loved you, ok? I wouldnt admit anything if I wasnt high right now, but I am and I think I still love you— A-And it fucking tears me apart because tomorrow I probably wont remember this and it'll all be like saying just kidding. Me venting to you would be like saying just kidding, telling you my history with Mikey would be like saying just kidding. Me saying I love you, would be like saying just kidding. So for the sake of tonight, if you love me then say just kidding" I am seriously high right now, arent I?

Colby pulled into a safeway parking lot and when I let go of his face, he looked at me. He was completely shocked and I didnt know how he was going to react. I'm almost glad that I wont remember this because if he doesnt feel the same way, then at least I'll never have to go through the embarrassment of rejection.

I dont expect him to feel the same way, anyway. He was friends with Mikey after all, I wouldnt he surprised if he's only friends with me because he feels bad for me. Thats probably the case. He probably cant stand me, he only is friends with me because he's sorry that mikey bullied me.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard two words. Two words that I didnt think I'd hear, and yet I did. Two words that would forever mean the world to me. Two words that I hope I'll remember tomorrow.

"Just kidding"

A/N
Its sloppy, I know. Sorry lol