Hetalia Under The Big Top

Act 23: Antonio Feels Misled

A/N Okay, don't kill me until you read the next act. It will be up next weekend. Just in case, I'm gonna hide here. *Climbs under desk* Enjoy the show.

Antonio couldn't sleep that night and jumped out of bed the next morning. He couldn't wait to see Lovino. He hadn't seen Lovino since he disappeared after Antonio broke the kiss to shoo Cachorro away.

He hurried right over to the snack stand to see him. Sure enough, Lovino was there leaning against the table where his brother and Ludwig were eating.

"Good morning, mi amor," he greeted, kissing Lovino on the cheek.

"What-a you think you are doing, bastard!" said Lovino, turning beet red and backing away.

"Saying hello?" said Antonio, confused as to why Lovino was acting this way.

"What-a makes you think you can kiss me!"

"You kissed me yesterday. A lot."

At that point, Feliciano and Ludwig both froze where they were and looked up at them.

"W—well, you started it," Lovino stammered, "I hadn't kissed anyone in a while, so I just didn't bother to stop you."

"But, Lovi, that's not fair."

"What were you expecting, Antonio?" said Lovino, backing away, "You know I like girls."

"So does Gilbert but he's still f**ked guys."

This statement caused Ludwig to choke on his food and Feliciano had to pat his back to help him clear his airways.

"Well, I'm not bi, Toni. Sorry you couldn't figure it out," said Lovino, sauntering away.

Antonio stood there for a moment, fists clenched but also tears welling up.

"I'm sorry, Toni. Even for fratello, that was mean," said Feliciano, rubbing Ludwig's back as he regained his breath.

Antonio stared off to where Lovino had left.

"It doesn't make sense. Why would he do that?"

"I don't know. I'm going to talk to him," said Feliciano and he got up to follow Lovino.

Ludwig wiped his hands with a napkin before getting up from the table.

"Let me offer you some advice" said Ludwig, slightly rasped from choking, "I have gotten to know Lovino since Feliciano und I started dating. He is childish und stubborn. But he vouldn't hurt someone vithout good reason."

"But... why would he...?"

"You know vhy." Ludwig started to walk away but stopped and turned back to Antonio. "Und don't talk about mein brother like that around me again. I have enough repressed memories of my family, I don't need any of him."

"Oh, lo siento, Ludwig."

"Ja. Good luck, Antonio."

Feliciano followed his brother into the prep room of their main tent. Catching up to him, he switched back to their first language to add some privacy to their conversation.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing."

"Why did Antonio say you kissed him?"

"I didn't kiss him! He kissed me!"

"You said that you used him. Toni is crushed by that."

"So?"

"I thought he was your friend. You don't use friends."

Lovino looked away.

"I don't think you meant to hurt him. I think you really care for Antonio."

Lovino scoffed.

"What do you know about me? You were gone from my life for 10 years and now you're glued to that bastard every second of the day."

Feliciano's normally relaxed features stiffened and his eyes narrowed.

"I know you were as comfortable in those dresses as I was. I know you flirt with girls but don't want a relationship. And I know you love him or you are the jerk everyone thinks you are."

Lovino's face went blank.

"Th—this is not about you. So just—just stay out of it!" said Lovino, his voice wavering as his lips threatened to tremble.

He moved past his brother and ran out of the tent.

One of the crew members spotted Lovino running to his trailer, but no one had seen him since. The reason why was clear given Feliciano's unusual sour mood. By the end of the day, Antonio decided to talk with Lovino.

He rapped lightly on the door and after a moment a puffy eyed Lovino opened it.

"Hey, Lovi. Can we talk?"

"I have nothing to talk about."

Lovino began to close the door but Antonio blocked it.

"Then I'll talk. Please, Lovi."

Lovino took a breath then stood aside so Antonio could enter. They walked into the kitchen and Lovino leant back on the counter.

"What did you want to say, jerk bastard?" said Lovino as he crossed his arms.

"For one, I wanted to see that you were okay."

"Well, I'm just f**king perfect. Thanks for asking."

Antonio sighed. "Why did you kiss me back? You should have known how I would feel."

Lovino looked away. "I already told you why."

"Are you sure it esn't because I am a man?"

Lovino's narrowed eyes flicked up to Antonio. "What are you getting at?"

Antonio swallowed, knowing the anger to come. "I think you are actually attracted to men."

"Che cazzo! You can't-a come in here and tell me who I'm attracted to!"

"But you know it es true. Don't you think you would be happier if you were honest about it?"

Lovino's rage boiled over into sadness as he felt tears prick his eyes.

"It can't-a be true! I don't want it to be true!"

"But why, Lovi? You said it yourself, there's nothing wrong with it."

Lovino's fists clenched.

"Because then I'd be the same," said Lovino, choking back a sob. "Feli is the one who is nice, who is artistic, who was better in school. No one ever had anything to say about me until I became the straight one. If I'm not, I will just go back to being Feliciano's lesser half."

Antonio's eyes widened then softened as he took a wary step forward.

"Lovi, you could never be Feliciano's lesser half. You are your own unique person and you are amazing. You are so much more than just this one feature. Lovino Vargas, I love you so much."

Lovino felt his knees weaken, and there was no stopping the torrent of tears that streamed down his cheeks. Hiding his face behind his tightly balled fists, Lovino sunk to the floor.

"Why couldn't you just be a woman?"

Antonio knelt in front of Lovino, wanting so badly just to pull him into his arms and take away the pain.

"Sometimes I feel like my love life would be easier that way. But then I wouldn't be me," Antonio said, feeling himself start to cry as well, "Es there any way you could love me the way I am?"

Tears streamed down Lovino's cheeks as he shook his head.

Even in heartbreak, Antonio managed a weak smile at his love. "If that es what you want. Goodbye, Lovino."

Antonio stood, and Lovino felt the room go cold without him. He wanted him to stay, he wanted him to take away the pain.