Urges| s.reid

19

Holly's POV

"I'm sorry!"

"It's too late!"

I shot up from a deep sleep, I glanced around the room as I noticed that I wasn't in the office after leaving Hotch's office like I had planned. I still had yet to come up with an idea of what was wrong with Spencer so I decided to go to bed. Easily slipping into a dream, well nightmare.

My body felt cold as I wiped my face, tears and sweat drenched my face. Judging by the lack of Spencer coming running into my room I could tell that I hadn't yelled out, or at least not loud enough for him to wake.

I had been with this team with barely a year and this felt like home now but I knew I couldn't stay here, not with them chasing me. They would make the connection that Emily would have had me transferred to the only people on the world that she trusted, the only people she thought could keep me safe. Maybe if I had taken that job offer to work at the BAU with Spencer years ago then maybe things would be better- different.

Either way it didn't matter now- I had to leave in the morning anyways.

***

"Garcia." I said barging into her office. She jumped and turned to look at me, my eyes blazed as I held a file to her and she looked down at her computer screen. "What the hell did you do?" I asked her, I didn't mean to be mean to her but I couldn't have this happen. I couldn't stay even if I wanted to.

"I'm- I'm sorry I just can't have you-" She paused to look I up at me. "You can't leave us." Garcia said to me and I sighed to her. Then I took a seat across from her in the only other seat in her office.

"Garcia this stops now, I am leaving and I really don't mean to be like this but- but I have to leave." I said to her, she licked her lips letting her head drop.

"Okay." She said, her voice cracking. I felt terrible for doing this to them all. "When- when do you-"

"Today's my last day." I mumbled, then he head shot right up so she could look at me. "I'm sorry- I only told Hotch-"

"Did you really think that you could just leave without even saying anything?" She asked me before standing up, she then dragged me to JJ's office where Spencer stood with his arm waving around, he froze dropping his head while his voice faded out, eyes locked in me. "JJ I need to talk to you." I was lad that Garcia didn't tell Spencer.

"I'll just leave then." Spencer mumbled before he slipped from the room, Garcia tugged on me into JJ's room before shutting the door behind us.

"What is it Garcia?" JJ asked us, I let my arms wrap around my waist. I knew she was more interested in listening to what Spencer had to say then what Garcia had to tell her.

"Did you know that Holly is leaving?" Garcia said, then JJ's face dropped. JJ looked up at me, her face sad. Like she thought it was a joke. "It's her last day." Garcia continued.

"What?" JJ asked dropping the file that was between her fingers. "You can't leave. That'll ruin Spence, Holly." JJ insisted and I sighed while rolling my eyes. "Why-why would you leave him like this again?" I flinched, sure I had left last time without a word to him and only a note but this time I wasn't going to do that. I was going to tell him when he saw me leaving later.

"It doesn't matter why." I said to her and shook my head. "But yeah I'm leaving and- I- please don't tell him. Not yet." I said shaking my head continuously at her. JJ gave me a small glare.

"This is going to ruin him, don't you care about that Holly?" JJ practically yelled at me, Garcia looked between us with wide eyes. I knew that JJ and Spencer were close but I never imagined that she would freak out like that.

"JJ come on-"

"No Garcia you and I both know that this is going to kill him!" JJ yelled and walked from the door, Spencer stood on the other side with a dropped face. Like he too understood what was going on. That I was leaving. "Reid." She whispered and he blinked away what seemed to be tears.

"I-" He had no clue what to say to what he had just discovered. "Holl." Spencer voice broke as his eyes shifted to me. I couldn't bare to look at his as I felt like my weight was going to buckle beneath me. That feeling in my chest still wouldn't go away as I felt my throat close up. "Are you really leaving?" He asked with his voice cracking.

"Spence...." I paused, my breaths were shallow and dry.

"No Holly just because we had a fight doesn't mean that you have to leave! Not again!" Now we were yelling at each other with glossy eyes in the middle of the office. "Your leaving me just like you did when you got that job offer!" Spencer continued. "So what is it now? Uh?" He asked trying to keep himself from crying I tried not to cry either.

"Spence...." I sighed while tugging him into a conference room, the doors still not closed. "I wish I could tell you what was going on but the truth is I can't and yes I left last time but that's not why I'm leaving." I said to him rambling finally crying.

"Then tell me what's going on Holl! It can't be that bad!" He yelled and I sighed, trying my best not to fall over.

"Spence please." I said to him taking a step back from him but he shook his head while jetting one side of his hip out while placing his hands on his hips.

"Look I'm sorry!" He yelled referring to last night, as if saying sorry would get me to stay but it wouldn't.

"It's too late!" I yelled my hand then flying to my mouth. "Spence I've got to go turn in my badge," I reached up and kissed him on the cheek. My lips lingered on his cheek, my arms wrapped around his neck pulling him in for a hug. I was crying as my heart clenched. "Spence I love you and your my best friend." I whispered as my lips lingered by his ear.

"Please don't leave me Holly, not again." His mumbled against my neck, my tears covered his neck and my face. This is why I didn't tell him last time I was leaving. It was too hard. "Holly I do anything just please don't go." Spencer whispered, his voice breaking over and over again while I gripping his lean shoulders.

"Spence I'll come back-" I then paused pulling back. My hands placed on his tear stained cheeks. "This is what's best."

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A/N

Rn in crying cause this chapter.....

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