The Fourth Roommate

Trip Down Memory Lane

It was late at night. I rolled over and checked my alarm clock listlessly, wishing that the night would end already. It was only two in the morning. It was one of those overly hot, sweaty summer nights where it was too hot to sleep with a duvet but at the same I felt naked without it. This meant I had one leg sticking out of the blanket, and another tucked in. I was too hot and too cold at the same time and I was beyond frustrated.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed, sitting up and pulling my hair. I was so tired but I just couldn't sleep.

I tried lying at the other end of the bed but that didn't work either. So I tossed and turned, closing my eyes and trying to count sheep in my head. Counting sheep turned into complex mathematical equations and I sat up again, about to get up and start working them out on paper. I realized that I was keeping myself awake once again, and threw myself down onto the mattress. I wanted to sleep so bad.

I didn't know why but suddenly I was thinking back at my first day in High School.

***

I was nervous, chewing my lip at top speed. My sister was walking ahead of me, a smile on her face and the wind blowing her hair from side to side. I wondered how two people could look the exact same and yet Selena Always pulled off a look better than me. We were wearing the same tight skinny jeans, and the same one-shouldered top, except mine was red and hers was blue. Our converse fitted the same color-scheme.

Selena turned round when she realized how I was stalling at the bottom of the steps leading into our school. She raised her eyebrows at me and I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. However it was impossible to hide our feelings from one another; we knew each other so well that I could pretend to be Selena and no one would notice.

"What's up?" she asked me, hopping down two steps to join me.

"What if no one likes me?" I whispered, feeling like I was two and about three inches tall. I hated having to admit what a wuss I was but the truth was that I was scared that when I walked in there people would laugh and scorn at me.

"Hey, do you trust me judgement?" Selena asked suddenly, her blue eyes bright and happy.

I rolled my eyes slightly. Why did she need to change the subject and make it about her? I loved my sister, truly I did. But I couldn't stand the fact that whenever I confessed something or was centre of attention, she needed to be better than me. Ever since we were five, Selena had constantly bossed me around, which I didn't mind too much because I felt lost without her.

"Sure," I replied, sticking my hands into my pockets.

"Well I like you and as you said, my judgement is fault proof, they'll have to like you too," she grinned.

"I didn't say it was fault proof," I grumbled but I was already feeling better.

Selena laughed simply and grasped my hand, pulling me into the school. People almost immediately came up to us, introducing themselves and asking if we were identical twins. Selena made a joke that I was a random hobo and she had no idea who I was, and most people laughed a little too hard at her joke, trying to impress her. Selena was center of attention and she glowed in their smiles and questions.

But whenever I started to fade away from conversation, threatening to become a stranger of the group, she reeled me back in. She was constantly prompting me to answer questions, to ask them, and was the first to laugh at my jokes. I was accepted easily and quickly, because I was completely and utterly under my sisters wing of protection.

But I was thankful. I quickly established a group of friends. I had originally wanted to be closer to a group of quieter kids who had smiled at me, and I'd been able to discuss my favorite scientists with them. My sister looked them over once though, and she decided that she didn't like them. And so whenever I tried to sit with them, she was drawing me away to where the cheerleaders and jocks were laughing. She was never mean to them, but she never gave me a chance to be nice to them.