Fighting the Stars - A Jack Harries Fanficton

Chapter 30

I focused the camera I had set up in front of the piano. I had just bought it a few hours ago and still have hardly any idea how to work the damn thing. I pressed record and sat down on the bench.

"This one’s for you," I inhaled, “Jack."

I began playing, the nerves settling in as I hit more and more keys. I still couldn’t believe I was doing this. But something had told me to, tugging at my very being until I bought that camera. And I know that it’s the most courageous thing I’ve ever done.

“It’s been a long day, And I’ll I’ve got to say is make it strong. It’s been a long day, And all I’ve got to say is I’ve been wrong. So take a leave of absence, Tell me you’ll be gone. I don’t want to see your face." 

I haven’t talked to Jack since we fought. I ended up taking a cab back to Bristol. It was just easier, even if it wasn’t right.

“It’s been a long day, And I just want to hide away. It’s been a long week, And all the lines come down heavy on me. It’s been a long week, I’m finally feeling like it’s okay to break into a thousand pieces, no one can replace. Only I can find my way.”

I miss Jack, I really do. I thought that I didn’t need him, that I could go through this all on my own. It wasn’t until he was no longer around that I realized how miserably wrong I was. Jack doesn’t just make me happy, he is my happiness.

“It’s been a long day, And I just want to hide away. It’s been a long year, And everyone around me’s disappeared. It’s been a long year, And all this mess around me’s finally cleared.”

He has done nothing but support me throughout these last few months and what have I given him in return? And that’s why I’m doing this. I want to show him that I can be brave. I want to make him happy too. He deserves that much.

“So can I have a moment just to say hello, Can you let your anger go? It’s been a long year, And I’m finally ready to be here…”

I looked up from the keys and smiled before leaving the piano to turn off the camera. A part of me was hoping Jack would come through that door, applauding with his cheeky smile like he’s done before. But I’d ruined any chance for that.

So I packed up the camera and huddled into my jacket as I braced the mid-November snow. This was the one thing I always hated about England. The blasted weather. If I ever do end up moving back to the States I’m definitely settling in California.

I had the video edited and uploaded in just over an hour. I sat, terrified, in front of my laptop. I kept refreshing the page to see the amount of views as well as any new comments. 

To keep myself leveled on the brink of sanity I opened a new tab with my email. If Jack was going to see this I would need someone to show it to him. And who better to do that than his very own twin?

I linked the video into an email and wrote: Show this to Jack, and tell him I’m sorry and that I’m trying. I’m really trying. Please…

I didn’t mind the fact that it sounded desperate because that’s exactly how I feel at the moment. I sent it to Finn’s personal email that he had given me, knowing he would check it sooner. I just don’t know how soon. And this wait is killing me.

To calm my nerves I opened up my iTunes and put my music on shuffle. I let the music play while I laid on my bed, thinking about anything and everything. I mostly thought about music, and how much it’s done for me. 

It’s just nice, I guess. Knowing that someone else can put into words what I feel. That there are people who have been through things worse than I have, and they come out on the other side okay. Not only that, but they made some kind of twisted, fucked-up sense of the completely senseless. They made it mean something. These songs tell me I’m not alone. If you look at it at that way, music… music can see you through anything.