But its Gonna be my Year

Chapter 5

Jack P.O.V

I walk slowly out of the van, trying not to wake anyone up and find myself sitting outside the van in the pouring rain. I put my head in my heads and listen to the rain hitting on all the vans around me.

"what have I done" I whisper into my hands, what have I done? I need to stop this, I need to stop being so self centred all the times and think about Alex. he told me he loves me, what more could I ask? I need to stop myself from cutting, I need to hold on.

I need to be happy.

Alex makes me happy.

Alex makes me extremely happy.

Alex is there when no one else is.

Alex wont hurt me.

Alex is my reason to live.

Alex is my everything.

but what am I? I'm that crappy person who can't keep strong, I'm weak and I know this. I break easily, but I have to stop this. I have to stop everything I do at the moment and move forward, to be a better person who doesn't have the thoughts that are always circling around my head.

"I need to do something for Alex." I mumble into my hands, hiding my face from the world.

"You need to do something for me? what's that jacky?" I hear Alex giggle from behind me, I take my face out of my hands and stand up so wrap my arms around his waist and pull him close.

"well" I look down, smiling "maybe a date?" his grin widens across his face as I look up and look deeply Into his eyes.

"that would be amazing jack" he kisses me softly then pulls away and looks up at me. "only if you feeling better, I don't want to push you into anything. I just want you to be happy." he half smiles and looks at me, and i know he is really looking out for me, not lying.

"Alex you make me happy" I kiss him on his nose and he giggles and looks away, embarrassed "I will do anything to make you happy Alex, and It would be my pleasure to take you out on a date okay? it's what I want to do." he looks up and me and kisses me again.

"I really love you jack" he smiles up at me, like he wants me to believe it. "but we better go inside, I'm sorta getting soaked out here" I smile and take his hand to lead him inside.

when we get inside we lie down on the sofa, him wrapped up in my arms , his head just under my chin and our body's as close as they can be.

Just as the moment was about to be one of the best of mine at the moment Zack walks in, trying to sneak out and he doesn't realise me and Alex.

"Going somewhere?" I chuckle, he turns in surprise to see me and Alex, he looks away and puts his hand in his hair.

"ur..no..maybe, I dunno." he blushes, turning on his heals, not keeping eye contact. with me and Alex's stares he finally gives in to speacking."Im dating someone guys" Alex begins to make his way out of my arms, stands up and puts his arms around Zacks shoulders and I begin to sit up on the sofa.

"why didn't you tell us sooner? we support you and there's no reason you shouldn't have a girlfriend Zack!" he laughs and shakes Zack in a friendly way.

"Uh, she's a fan. but she's really nice! and I'm sorta late" he try's to get out of Alex's grip but Alex won't let him.

"why would we lose any respect for you for dating a fan? seriously! we love you Zack there's nothing wrong in that!" he looks up, with a smile on his face.

"thanks Alex! now can I go?" he try's to get away but Alex pulls him back again.

"no no no, we have to meet her now!" Alex laughs and look straight at Zack.