But its Gonna be my Year

Chapter 2

Jacks P.O.V.

I turn over again in my bunk, not being able to get comfy. I place my head face down on my pillow so the other guys in the band can't hear my crying. I can't believe I said that to Alex, I love him being in my life but he just hurts me so much. He may not realise it but every time I see him it hurts me, I just can't stand being in the same band as him. Cause everything he does is amazing and I can't help but love it, and everything I do is horrible, anything I do is useless. I just play guitar , it's easy for someone to replace me, he's the fucking singer.My tears are getting more heavy and frequent. why am I so weak?

"hey Jack." I instantly recognise that voice as Alex , what's he come here for, to apologise? for what, me liking him? I just turn so my back is facing him so I am looking at the wall on my bunk.

"Fuck off Alex. " I say , really wanting him to go away, so I can be alone.

"Jack, please let me talk to you" his voice sounds pleading but I won't budge , he doesn't need to see me crying.

"Alex there is nothing to say. You don't need to know anything "

"Jack I need you to fucking talk to me more. like you used to. " my heart pricks at this. fuck him.

"like I fucking used to Alex" I laugh and turn over so our faces are at the same level. "you mean when we were together and I actually trusted someone." his eyes drift of to his feet. "no Alex fucking look at me when I'm talking to you, don't be so fucking rude." he looks up, his eyes turning misty, yay now he knows how I feel most of the time. I jump down from the bunk so we are face to face.

"Rian and Zack are gone by the way , to let us sort things out." he mumbles .

"So you wanna talk huh? lets talk about how I am depressed shall we? and how I stay up late at night thinking about how we used to be. " I laugh sarcastically. "orrrrr we could talk about how you don't give a fuck about me anymore-"

"I give a fuck about you Jack " he says, like he's trying to persuade me. "just because we are broken up doesn't mean your not my best friend. " he says firmly and takes a step closer to me. I don't say anything, not knowing what to say as I never saw him as my best friend for some reason. he always was just my ex In the band. I don't know how to feel. "Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"How long did you stay clean for?" his tone has gotten more smooth and calming. his dark brown eyes looking up at me .

"about a week....from after we broke up." I mumble and turn around to walk to the door. I don't want to talk anymore, I don't like it here.

"Jack come back." I can hear Alex's footsteps behind me as I am reaching the end of the bus. I stop before just before I reach the door, realising the state I am in. We stand there in complete silence for a few seconds then I turn around to see Alex looking at me from across the room. "Jack" he says quietly as another tear runs down his cheek.

Alex P.O.V.

I walk closer to Jack and pull him in for a hug, not letting him let go. I rest my head on his shoulder and push my face into his shoulder .I am slowly beginning to realise how much I miss this, how much I miss us being together. My tears are streaming down my face at a unhealthy level , making Jacks shoulder extremely soaked.

I keep hold of Jack , so he is as close to me as possible and take my head out of his shoulder so our noses are touching. I look into his eyes, then down to his lips with a longing to kiss him, but how would he react? I don't want to risk it. But it's just so tempting, I can't take it anymore. I connect our lips again for the first time in 3 years, yep I was right, I have missed this. The way Jack made me feel when we were together was unreal and all of these feelings are rushing back now. How did I bring myself to break up with something as perfect as this.

Jacks P.O.V.

I pull away from Alex , not knowing what to think about what just happened . He....he kissed me. HE kissed ME. does he even like me? I take myself out of his embrace and walk over to the sofa and sit down, he immediately comes and sits down next to me.

"Alex please." I say , not needing him to be close to me at the moment, I need to think about what just happened. He just comes closer to me and try's to cuddle up to my chest. "Alex stop it." I try and push himself off me but he won't budge.I stand up , making his head fall onto the sofa. "Alex you can't just fucking think that it's like we were all of a sudden. Just fuck off so I can think, you can't just suddenly think we can be back to the way were when ever you fucking feel like it. I've been waiting 3 years okay?" I see the hurt strike his eyes, I go to sit on a seat across from him.

Just then Rian and Zack come back onto the bus . They instantly pick up the deadly silence.

"You guy's okay?"Rian asks.

"Yeah I was just going to sleep actually. " I give Alex a quick glare then walk quickly off to my bunk. I want today to end.

Alex P.O.V.

I toss and turn, not being able to sleep . the only thing that's on my mind is Jack. I feel so selfish about what I have done, what I have caused Jack. I take out my phone for about the fourth time to see if there's anything new happening . I decide to text Jack to see if he's awake.

To Jack: Hey you awake ? ;)

I hear the beeping of Jacks phone from across the bunk, making me laugh. then I hear him move around the bunk, I think he's looking for his phone. Within a minute I get a reply.

From Jack: now I am. I need to turn my phone on silent.

he seems serious.

To Jack: So....I'm sorry, about today.

From Jack: it's my fault, I'm the one who doesn't matter.

To Jack: Jack you fucking matter! you matter to all our fans and most of all you matter to me.

From Jack: Yeah really..

To Jack: yes! really .

From Jack: yeah so today were you just joking around or....?

To Jack: I dunno , I was seeing if I still liked it. I really liked it Jack. I missed you.

From Jack: Come over to my bunk Alex .

I hear him move in his bunk, I push my curtain open so I see his smiling face looking at me. I try and silently climb over to his bunk, failing. We laugh as we try and pull me Into the bunk, making me fall onto Jack, so I am on top of him.

"Hey" I laugh, and he just smiles back.

"Hey Alex" he giggles and shyly looks away, he's too cute.

"So what's up in your bunk?" I ask while giggling with him, not being able to stop.

"Uh nothing much, you gonna move?"he laughs

"maybe I don't want to " I whisper and meet our lips,pulling him closer to me, making him laugh into my lips.

"shut up Alex"Jack takes his lips off mine and looks straight into my eyes.

"I can't risk being hurt again."

"Jack that was a huge mistake , I will never hurt you again. I promise Jack. Jack I really really like you, I've been so fucking stupid. " I place my forehead on his so I am speaking Into his lips .

"Alex,I don't know. " he bites his lip, making me want him even more.

"Jack I think I fucking love you again okay, in fact I have never stopped fucking loved you. " I place my lips to his again, taking his breath.

"Fucking Shut up , im trying to sleep" I hear Zack hit the bunk from underneath. Me and Jack laugh onto each others lips, then Jack pulls away from me so I turn a lay my head on his chest and just sit there listening to his breath.

"I've never stopped loving you Alex" he takes his hands and puts them In my hair.

I simply close my eyes and go to sleep in Jacks arms for the first time in 3 years.