But its Gonna be my Year

Chapter 4

|play the song

•Stay away from my friends-Pierce the Veil on repeat|

Jack P.O.V.

I run to the bathroom , drenched in tears and look for something, something to scar myself with. I need to too badly, I grab a pair of scissors from the cabinet and dig them into my skin, replacing the old ones, or making them deeper. I keep crying and cutting any place I can, to take the pain away, at least for a second.Alex has ruined me, I believe I trusted him again, i cant help but still love him but this is too far.

I stand up to search the cupboard for something to help me leave, I block out most sound but all I can hear is Alex's voice and him hitting at the door making me hate myself even more for ignoring him. I grab a container of pills and pour them into my mouth, trying to end the constant pain that I can't get away from.

I open the door in Alex's face, moving straight past him but stop and turn back grabbing his hand and pulling him with me, I block out whatever he's saying and pull him into my bunk and roll onto his chest in a heap of tears, blood rolling down my body. I hear Alex crying and shouting at me but I don't want to hear what he is saying. I repeat the words 'shut up' at the top of lungs, until I just hear Alex sobbing as much as he can. He grips onto my body like he can never let go and puts his head into my hair and repeats some words again and again.

"Jack I love you, I'm so sorry" he loves me? fuck it, I know he's lying but I can't help but make myself closer to him , never wanting to leave him.

"Just let me go to fucking sleep, let me sleep, let me sleep, let me sleep, let me sleep" I repeat until Alex stops talking and all I can hear are sobs. I close my eyes and wait for myself to sleep so I can go in my dreams.

"I love you Alex, don't forget that." I say before closing my eyes and tangling my body more round him . I love him but I can't take this anymore.

Alex P.O.V.

I wake up from Rian shouting from across the bus, I then hear footsteps over to Jacks bunk.

"Alex...Me and Zack found pills and blood covered scissors, we have called 911 get him out of the bunk now." I look down at Jack and realise how stupid I've been, his body is covered in blood from his scars and his eyes are stairs with tears, how could I just let him sleep? Fuck this, I love him, he can't just die. This is my fault, again. He saw me with Lisa, I was just talking to her but she had to shove her fucking drunken lips on mine, I hate her, but if I hadn't talked to her this wouldn't have happened so it's all comes down to me again.

I grab him and bring him out of the bunk, him not waking up once. Tears start streaming down my cheeks, making my face soaked but they won't stop. I drag Jack to the sitting room and sit, watching over him, stroking his face just wanting him to wake up.

"When are they fucking coming seriously?" I nearly scream. I get up and start pacing the room having my hands in my hair, nearly pulling it out , breathing heavily, my face getting drowned ,knowing I can do nothing . Knowing I am useless. "GUYS" I scream at the stop of my lungs, I look over at them standing by the door, waiting for a answer.

"we don't know Alex." Zack says quietly .

"WELL FUCKING FIND OUT" I cry and fall onto my knees next to Jack. "why can't you wake up?" I put my face into his chest . "wake up." I move up to kiss his neck "wake up" I bring myself and kiss his lips , again and again . "wake up please" I continue but I get no response from him, just the faint breath which is nearly gone.

"I just fucking love him guys." I look over at the others and cry cause he's leaving and I haven't done anything to help him.

Jacks P.O.V.

I open my eyes to see myself sitting in a hospital bed with wires attached to my body and Alex sitting in front of me holding my hand, I hear the faint sound of a monitor beeping. no no no no no, why am I awake,no no no no no.

"Hey Jack" Alex looks at me as a tear rolls down his cheek and he squeezes my hand. I look away and sit up,Alex helping me. "I love you Jack" he smiles at me, tears rolling down his face. I just smile at him and look back at the hospital bed, I feel too weak to do anything. "I have to get the doctor now but will be right back okay?" he stands up, leaving me alone in the room. why aren't I dead, I'm meant to be gone, I want to be gone. what have they done, why didn't they just leave me. I want to die. I'm ready to die, I close my eyes again to sleep, not wanting to wake up.

Alex P.O.V.

We get home from the hospital at 7am with Jack. He is still not talking, to anyone . I'm kinda scared but I won't say anything cause I know I caused this. I am just trying to be there for him, be the best boyfriend I can be.

We get on the bus again and Jack walks straight to his bunk, great. I walk straight past the other guys and to Jacks bunk , I open the curtain and see him facing the wall, curled up in a ball quietly crying. I climb up and wrap my arms around his cold body. I let a few tears lose, knowing how much I hate to see him hurting.

"Jack, I'm so sorry. I can't believe what I've done. I hate her and it meant nothing okay? okay. I only like you, I love you Jack. " He continues to sob in my arms, I can't stand it. "Your amazing Jack, and I know there is no one else out there for me but you. I really really love you." He turns around to reveal his red face and blood-shot eyes . His lips are trembling and he is shaking slightly, he puts his head on my chest and keeps crying .

"Why d-d-did I wake u-up A-Alex?" Jack finally says in between the heavy sobs.

"What?" I ask, confused of what he means.

"Why couldn't I stay sleeping? for-forever?" he looks up at him and realise what he means. I bring his head towards mine and kiss his hair.

"Cause then I would die too Jack." I bring myself down and push Jack slowly off my chest so we are facing each other. I look directly into his eyes and try and slop my water falling from my eyes.

"Alex, I can't live anymore." he puts one of his hands in my hair.

"Jack I will make you live"I lean in and kiss him like it's the last kiss I can ever give him, cause it could be.

|stop the song|