The Journal of Kanan Jarrus (COMPLETE)

Alarms and Confessions

Hera's POV

It had seven hours since Kanan had passed out. Seven hours. It seemed like a life time. When we started fighting the Empire, we got little scrapes and bruises, nothing that we couldn't get over. But never anything of this scale before. Sure, I knew how to take care of it, but it didn't make me feel any better. I looked at the stitches I had to bind his wound up with. They ran down his side horizontally. From the bottom of his ribs around to his back. It was shining  red from irritation and the ointment that I had put on it. His shirt was tossed aside in the corner, with a burnt hole in the side from his blaster injury. I suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion rush over me and realized that I had been up for hours upon hours before this happened and now I am really tired. All of the sudden I feel a warmth on top of my hand that was resting in my lap. I look up to see Kanan with his eyes half open and a huge smile on his face.

"Ya miss me, love?"

Wait, what! Did he just call me love? Holy Force! No way! No way in all of the actual galaxy! He just called me love! Love! What is going on in his head? I don't know what affected him to say that. Sure, I might have feelings for him. Might. Might is the key word. But to think that he might say that so openly, especially since we had only been together for such a short time.

"Hera...Hera...Galaxy to Hera Syndulla, can you hear me..."

Apparently I must have been lost in my own thoughts, because I didn't hear him call to me. I came back to reality after he reached his arm up, probably to snap his fingers at me, and yelped in pain.

"W...What's wrong, Kanan?", I asked.

"Oh...Nothing much, just lying here glad that I am under the care of some one that knows how to take care of a irresponsible person like me."

"Aw, thanks, but I would tell me what hurts or I'm going."

"Nothing much." He said, "Just where I got shot."

"Ok. Another question: why didn't you tell me?"

He hesitated. "Um...I dunno. I didn't want you to worry about me. I mean, you already have enough things on your plate to worry about, but I didn't want you to add me on top of things that are more important and worthwhile."

I was stunned. He never comes out and fully confesses what he feels like. He just sits in a dark corner of emotion and never moves. It's like he just walked out into the light, because he was blinking his eyes rapidly. I just got up and started to leave. When I got to the door, I stopped. I turned around and walked back to Kanan and bent over and kissed his forehead.

"Get some sleep, dear, you need it."

I got up and rubbed his shoulder, then turned and walked into the hallway. I walked to the cockpit and sat down in the pilot's seat I looked out into the blurred blue-white streaks of hyperspace. I looked back at the last couple minutes that just occurred. For hours I was worried about him, hours! And now he just basically said I love you. And I basically said the same thing when I kissed his forehead! I knew he had feelings for me. Geez, ever since I met him I saw his feelings. He may have thought that he was being secretive about it, but he failed miserably. I felt my eyes drooping shut, and fought the urge to fall asleep. As I drifted off I thought about Kanan's words. I had no idea why it bothered me so, but it did.

Kanan's POV

Hera walked out of the med bay. I didn't know if Twi'leks could blush, but if they could, Hera sure was. I thought about what had just happened. Hera had just kissed me! I was so happy I thought that I could burst out of my skin. I felt a gigantic smile forming on my face. But what I did that lead up to that was not part of the plan. I didn't mean to openly say that. I was also upset with myself because I was a Jedi! I wasn't supposed to fall in love or form attachments! Then again I had left the Jedi Order, not out of my free will though. I was torn between my two lives, one as a rebel, fighting for what is right; one as a Jedi, trusting in the Force to guide me through troubles and hard decisions. I was in love with Hera, no denying that. But it was my choice to choose if I should form that attachment or if I should leave us in the friend zone. I also thought about how she had taken care of me. She could have left me on a nearby planet to die, but she didn't. There aren't that many people in the galaxy that do that anymore, with the Empire in power.

The bags under her eyes didn't belong there. They stuck out like a lightsaber in a pile of blasters. I also thought of what Master Yoda said. I respected him, and his strong connection to the Force, but something with what he said didn't click. Why would anyone join two people and a lazy astromech in a hopeless fight against the Empire? There aren't going to be any others. I don't think it's important. At least that's what I think. If I do see somebody I will remember all my journeys. How could I forget? I thought like this for hours, I don't know how many. All of the sudden, I hear the Ghost's alarms go off and start to blare loudly.

What can possibly go wrong now?