Nobody Will Break You (A Josh Ramsay/Marianas Trench Fan Fiction)

Chapter 13

A/N: Listen to the song I attached while you're reading this chapter. It's really sad and powerful. I explain why I attached it in the A/N at the end of this chapter. Enjoy guys :)

xo

~Lane~

Matt's P.O.V.

I woke up with Monica next to me. She was so beautiful. It may seem like we're taking things really fast, but I know she's the one. So I asked her to sleepover.

I was holding her in my arms and I kissed her forehead. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she smiled. 

"Thanks for staying here last night. I really needed someone. I'm still shaken up about what happened with Emily." I said, looking into her eyes.

"No problem. I really hope you're ok Matt." she replied. "Should we go to the hospital?"

"No, I think I'll let Josh have more alone time with her. He would call me if anything changed."

"Ok sounds good. So what do you want to do today?"

"Well, I could make you breakfast." I smiled.

"Sounds good!" she smiled back and kissed me. Then we got up and went downstairs.

Josh's P.O.V.

I woke up to the sun blaring into my eyes. I could feel the dried up tears on my face as I slowly opened my eyes and squinted. I was still holding Emily's hand. She was still unconcious. I realized that the sun was also blazing on her face. I got up and closed the curtain. 

Suddenly a nurse opened the door. "Oh! Hello Mr. Ramsay! I didn't know you stayed the night last night..."

"I hope that was ok. I asked a nurse and she said it was."

"Thats fine. How's she doing?" she walked over beside Emily.

I frowned.

"Well," she continued "I need to do some tests and make sure everything is hooked up. You can come back in a little while. You should go get some breakfast!"

I hadn't eaten since we were on the plane yesterday. It was crappy airplane food.

I nodded and got up. I kissed Emily's forehead and left the room. 

There wasn't really much to do around here. All I wanted to do was be with Emily. I walked into the little café thing that they had in the lobby of the hospital. I didn't get any food. I didn't feel like eating at all. I just ordered a coffee and sat down at a table. I heard Matt's voice and looked up. Him and Monica were ordering. I was kinda hoping they wouldn't see me...

"Josh?" Matt's called.

Shit. "Hey man." I said flatly. Him and Monica both sat down at the same table as me.

"How is uh... everything?" he asked.

"Fine. Well, shitty. She's still unconcious and the fuckin doctors don't have any idea when she'll wake up..." I trailed off as a tear slowly fell from my eye.

"I'm gonna go. I have to uh... call someone." Monica spoke up as she realized that me and Matt should talk alone. Then she left.

"Tell me everything." Matt looked at me.

I sighed. "I'm so worried about her Matt..." I trailed off as more tears came.

"I know dude. We all are."

"What if she doesnt wake up? What do I do?"

"She will. I know she will. I haven't known her for long, but I know that she's strong. She'll get through this. You will too."

"Thanks." I attempted to smile. Didn't really work.

Matt half smiled at me and then got up to find Monica. I was alone again, and thats how I wanted it to be.

I walked back to Emily's room with my coffee. I just planned to sit there beside her bed until she woke up. When I got back, the nurse was gone. Emily looked the same. I went over to her and sat by her bedside again. I spent the rest of the day there. I checked my phone every once in a while, but I spent most of the time just starring at her. I once again fell asleep in the uncomfortable chair. I only had about 3 hours of sleep both nights I was here. I woke up to a nurse shaking me lightly.

"Mr. Ramsay, you need to go home. Eat. Take a shower. Clean up."

"N-no... I can't leave her." I stuttered, still waking up.

"I wasn't really asking. This is unhealthy for you. Don't worry, she's in good hands. We'll call if anything changes."

I hesitated but nodded and left the hospital.

A/N: WARNING. This part may be triggering...

When I got home it really hit me. God, I hadn't showered or eaten in 2 entire days. I still didn't feel like eating, but I knew I had to. I made myself a bowl of cereal and when I finished it, I headed upstairs for a shower. I got out, put a towel around myself, and looked in the mirror. I looked like shit. I sighed and started walking out of my room when something caught my eye. It was a razor that I had tried to throw in the garbage but it didn't go in. I guess I just never noticed it... I stared at it for a while, then shook my head. I had promised myself I would never go back to that. I turned off the light and left the bathroom.

I put some sweat pants on but no shirt. Then I sat down on my bed and put in my headphones. I blasted my music and tried to block out all of the thoughts. I was so fuckin tired. I wasn't thinking straight. All that was in my mind was that razor, just sitting on my bathroom floor, and how easy it would be to pick it up and let go of all my emotions. "No." I said to myself. "I can't go back." I lay there thinking for another little bit. 

I couldn't take it anymore. I walked into the bathroom as tears started forming in my eyes. I flipped on the light switch and looked at the sharp razor. I bent down to pick it up. As I put it on the counter, I started to cry harder, and then I started sobbing. I took the razor in my hands and held it down to my wrist. It slid across my skin and blood fell to the floor. I did it again. It felt really good to let all those horrible thoughts and feelings just go. Shaking, I dropped the razor and fell to the floor. Of course, I regretted it. I regret a lot of things. But at least I had satisfied the urges that i had been feeling for 2 days. I had felt so empty inside, and I just wanted to feel something I knew was not a lie. "I won't say anything at all. No one can know what I just did." I thought to myself.

I ran my bleeding wrist under cold water to wash it off. It stung when the water hit it. I left the bathroom and got into bed, still crying. Slowly and painfully, I drifted off to sleep...

A/N: sorry if I offended anyone. I felt really sad when I was writing this chapter. & I still feel like shit. <- I can't stop quoting their songs. -_-

Anyway... I attached I Won't Let Go by Hedley because it really reminds me of how Josh is feeling right now and also it really goes with this chapter.

Comment your thoughts.

Love you guys.

xo

~Lane~