What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 14

What if?

What if this is real? What if Peeta really is dead? Is he really lying here in front of me, lifeless? What if he's gone? What if this is all real? What if they're all dead? What if he's dead? What if this is real? What if I really am screaming, roaring? What if this is really my life? All my loved ones dying, because of me... What if Sophie is dead? What if Peeta is dead? What if Both of them are dead because of me?

What if......

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"Katniss! Katniss wake up!"

I open my eyes. My cheeks feel damp with tears, my hands trembles violently and body is curled up into a ball. I see Peeta knelt beside me, his face showing his concern. I try to speak but the words are unable to reach my mouth, my fear overriding my whole body. He stands up and sits beside me on the couch. He pulls me into his arms and begins to stroke my hair in attempt to soothe me. My tears stop within seconds, knowing from the nights on the train how comforting his presence is. The sweet smell of bread on his shirt and his warm manner is something I haven't experienced in what feels like centuries. One of the things I love about Peeta is that he understands how I feel at these moments. In result he doesn't ask questions, he doesn't tell me everything is going to be okay but instead lets me express my feelings in the manner that doesn't make me fear the nightmare more. After what feels like an hour I am completely calm. Yet Peeta continues to stroke my hair, continues to occasionally make circles on my forehead with the tip of his finger. And soon enough I find myself falling asleep, still being held in Peeta's arms...

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When I wake up there is sunlight shining into the room. I squint for a moment and slowly sit up. I then realise I am lying right beside Peeta. I jump a little until it comes flooding back to me. The nightmare, his comfort. I look at him. He's still sleeping, his face peaceful. I get up slowly, aware not to wake him. I place the blanket back over him and walk over to the window. The snow is not fully gone but melting. I go out into the hall and slip on my boots along with my jacket. I then slowly open the door and quietly shut it behind me. The walk back home is a little hard with patches of ice in a lot of places. When I get into the house I immediately slip off my boots and glance at the clock. 11'O Clock. I hear the TV on in the living room. I follow the sound to find Haymitch and Sophie in the living room. Sophie is sitting on the floor with pillows surrounding her for support and stares up at the ceiling curiously. Haymitch is on the couch watching a random channel on the TV. It takes him a second to notice me. I immediately lift Sophie into my arms

"Hi sweetie"

I say. She makes a number of happy noises and buries her face in the side of my neck. Haymitch says

"Ah Sweetheart you finally returned!! Oh how I have been longing my payment booze!! Did you and the boy make out? Please god tell me he didn't knock you up"

I roll my eyes as I sit beside him, Sophie still in my arms. I say

"I'm surprised she's still alive and your still sober"

He gives a small smart laugh before replying

"Exactly what I was thinking for your first few weeks with her. But then I could see how it began to effect you in the way in which you adjusted . Motherhood fell on you and made you..... healed, mature and a lot less of a grumpy, unpleasant person"

I laugh now and say suddenly remembering

"It's a month. Since she came. Yet it feels almost normal by now. Like she was always here"

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Haymitch leaves after a while once I thank him and pay him. When he's gone I go into the living room again and say to Sophie who I am holding upright on my lap

"What am I going to do with you? I can't hide you forever"

She responds with her usual sounds. I smile a little, knowing that until she speaks this will be her way of communicating. It's okay though because I understand her to a certain extent.I then hear the rattle of the mailbox. I sit her on my hip and walk out to get the mail. The mail lies on the mat, and by mail I mean one envelope. It takes me a moment to realise that's it's another note... Another note from Sophie's mother