Watching You

[13] Watching You

               Chapter Thirteen    

I reluctantly opened my eyes to be greeted by the bright line that filtered in through my blinds on the right.  My body felt so heavy that I debated not getting out of bed.  However, I knew it would upset my mother if I didn’t.  Slowly, I pushed my legs off the bed and sat up, running a hand through my dishevelled black hair.  Letting out a deep sigh I got to my feet and stretched.  Something seemed a bit off today.  I hadn’t imaged Anna sitting by my bed. Perhaps my sanity was finally coming back?  Regardless, I still felt like I was in this never ending state of melancholy.  There was an emptiness inside me that felt like it would never disappear.               

I put on my school clothes and threw some books in my bag, skipping breakfast and heading towards school.               

“Dylan, wait!” Alex called out behind me, running after me.                

I came to a stop in the middle of the road and waited for him to catch up.                

“You never,” Alex panted, “Wait for me.”               

Giving a small shrug as a response, I continued walking.                

“Um... I know you’re probably sick of hearing this, but mum said I need to talk to you.  She wanted me to give some long speech about getting over Anna’s death but I can’t do that, because you and I know that she was still around after.”               

I failed to stay silent.  Coming to a halt, I turned and faced my brother, looking him in the eyes.  His brown eyes mirrored the most sincere form of sympathy, yet I couldn’t help but glare at him with hatred.  “Perhaps if you never cheated on her in the first place, she wouldn’t have lost all hope!”  The sincerity in Alex’s eyes dropped with his gaze as he stared at the ground.  He didn’t respond so I kept walking.               

After a few seconds of walking, Alex barely made audible, “Wait.”               

Letting out a little sigh, I came to a stop yet again and glanced over my shoulder at him.  “What?” I replied, barely audible as well.  He mumbled something that I couldn’t hear.  “What?” I half shouted.  He mumbled something again.  “I can’t understand what you’re saying.”               

He walked towards me and stopped a meter away from me.  “I said,” he mumbled, “I know you blame me for everything, and I am so sorry.  I know what I did to Anna was very wrong.  She didn’t deserve to be treated that way.  However she’s been trying the past few weeks to get your attention and you’ve been ignoring her.”               

“What do you mean?” I demanded.               

“Dylan... Anna came back for you and you’ve been too locked up in your head grieving about her to realise.”               

“Anna is gone,” I whispered.              

“No, she came back!” Alex retorted.               

“Alex, shut up.  Just shut up!  Anna is dead and she’s gone.  There is no point for me to hang on anymore.  How pathetic is it that a dead girl left me?  I hate this! I hate this!” I was screaming now, but I didn’t care if I disturbed the neighbourhood.  I could no longer contain my emotions.  “She’s dead, okay?  She’d dead,” I whispered in defeat.              

“Dylan,” my brother whispered, feeling my heartbreak as he extended his hand in the attempts to console me.               

“I’m fine,” I grunted, and with that, I walked away from my brother and the rest of the way to school.  The whole way I fought the urge to cry.  It had been a year since I had seen Anna, a year and a half since she had been dead, and still I felt as if she was missing from me.