Surviving Keith

Chapter 5: Trixie

I wanted to get out of there. I seriously wanted to get out of there. I can't face Toby, not after he found out about who I really was. 

I know what you're thinking. That, if I really cared then I shouldn't have kept the truth about my personality in the first place. That I could've done better. That I was being selfish. But hey, you can't judge me just because I did what I did. I just...I didn't want to be associated with my family. Again, I did not like who I was; I didn't like my family or whatever it is I have here at home now. 

But the thing is, I really did like Toby. Ever since that first day in his studio. Ever since he first laid eyes on me. What we have is already complicated enough as it is and now...Sigh.

Moments of silence may have passed because I found Toby staring at me and I have no idea what he was thinking.

"So," he said.

"Toby," I said, trying to reach for his hand. I grabbed it and thankfully, he did not swat my hand away. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"Marielle...Trix, god. What shall I call you now?"

"It's still Marielle," I said, "I'm more Marielle than Trixie--"

"You're both. You're the same person."

"I know, but this doesn't have to change anything. I mean, Toby--"

He took a deep breath, "So...how are you? I tried calling you."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just...I couldn't deal with this. With all of this."

"Sorry..." Toby said, "Marielle, I wanted to be there for you."

"I know. It's just...it's not your fault, okay?"

He took a deep breath, "You're Carla's stepdaughter."

"I think we all just figured that out..."

"No, it's...more than that..."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Marielle, it's just...Carla and I were bestfriends but..." he paused and then, "Okay, I'll tell you what I'm going to tell you because I care about you and I don't want any more lies to come between us."

"O...kay..."

He took another deep breath, 'Marielle..." he said, "I used to like Carla. In fact, I was in love with her for a long time."

"Wait...what?" I just couldn't believe my ears.

"I used to like her. It's been a while, and obviously, I'm not anymore, but I just wanted to let you know. It's the reason why I had to go cross-country for a while."

"Because you were in love with her?"

"Yeah..."

"And you came here because she lost her husband?"

"Mara told me,"

"Oh, alright, I get it. You came here for her." 

"Because she's my friend and she needed me."

"Like I'd believe that? After everything you said?"

"Don't be silly, Marielle. I don't have feelings for Carla anymore. It's just that she has no one and she needed her friends. We're all she has, Mara and I. And you."

"I have nothing to do with her,"

"She's your stepmom."

"It's not like you know how I feel!" I said, angry. I don't know why all these emotions are rushing in. I just feel terrible, like the weight of the world is all on me.

"That's why you should tell me!" He shot back, "Stop lying to me."

"Oh for Christ's sake!"

"How do you expect me to know how you feel when you do not tell me anything?"

"Just...go, okay?"

"Wow, now you're asking me to leave?"

"Go. just go."

Just then, Carla and Mara came downstairs, probably noticing the commotion. 'Toby, Trix?" Carla said, "What's going on?"

I gritted my teeth, "Why do you think that you can just barge into everything?"

"Trix, you're obviously not in shape right now--"

"I don't need you to tell me anything," I told Carla, "You're just a whore."

"You're out of line," Toby said.

"Go on, be on her side!"

"I'm not on anybody's side!"

"Then leave. I don't need you here."

"Trix," Carla said.

Toby took a deep breath, "You don't have to ask me twice." he said, "Mara? You coming?"

"Yeah," Mara said and hugged Carla, "Call me, if anything, okay?"

"Thanks," Carla said, "You too, Toby."

Toby and Mara then made their way out of the house and i started to make my way upstairs.

"Trix, I think we should talk," Carla said.

"No," I said, "We don't."