It's What You Do to Me

It's What You Do to Me (26)

Have you ever felt completely helpless? I definitely have. I felt helpless when I was with Mr. Higginson, and when River didn’t remember who I was. I also felt helpless right then as well, because I had no idea what I was supposed to do, just like I had those other times.

I didn’t want River knowing that Seth and I had done anything. Now that he got his memory back, he knew that we were supposed to be together. But he had seen me with Seth… He knew that I had slept with him, and he knew that I loved him as well. I was breaking his heart and I was a horrible person…

How could I do something so horrible like this?

“Why are you acting like such a jerk?” I snapped, spinning on my heel to face Seth. “What happened to you not stopping me if I picked River? Everything you said to him was absolutely horrible! He doesn’t deserve anything like that, and you know it! That was completely uncalled for, you idiot!”

Seth’s smug smirk disappeared from his face, and it was quickly replaced with a frown. How could he do something like that to River, who was supposed to be his best friend? Seth said he would be okay if I picked River instead of him! I hadn’t even picked anyone yet and he was back to being a jerk!

“I’m sorry,” Seth apologized, his eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly at me. “But… just thinking that you’re going to pick him over me made me snap. I’m sorry, Delilah.”

I looked away from him, not knowing how I was supposed to respond to that. It was all because he just didn’t want to lose me to River. Why did I put myself in this situation? I was such an idiot…

“You need to pick one of us, Delilah,” he whispered, staring down at his feet so he wouldn’t have to look up at my face. “You have to pick one of us right now. I can’t live with not knowing. Just please, pick one of us so I’ll know that I can be happy or upset.”

“Marnie still loves you,” I reasoned, trying to think of things that would have made Seth better. “Don’t you love her? You said you did. You used me to get her jealous!”

“Of course I still love Marnie,” Seth informed me, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest. “But I love you more.”

“You have someone else to love, and someone else to love you back,” I sighed, crossing my own arms over my chest now. “River doesn’t. I’m the only person that he loves, and I’m the only person that loves him back. Besides Kendra, but she’s completely insane…”

“So you’re choosing him over me?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes narrowed. Honestly, I didn’t know who I was picking. But the logical answer seemed like River… He loved me more than anyone, even Seth, I was sure…

So did that mean I was picking River? I hated the fact that I had to choose. But I couldn’t just continue leading them both on, because then one of them would get hurt. I was going to have to pick the one that I thought was right. And that person was…

“Yes, Seth,” I breathed, feeling horribly guilty when I saw the angry look disappearing from his face as it was replaced with a heartbroken one. “I’m choosing River. I’m sorry, but… you should go back to Marnie. I do love you, but I’m sure Marnie loves you a lot more than I do.”

He just stared at me for a few moments, as if he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. I didn’t blame him, because I knew how he felt. I  had been on his side before; I had been heartbroken by the person I was in love with. But I still had the chance to get back together with him, but Seth didn’t.

“Fine,” he snapped, turning away from me and stalking off down the hall and in the direction of his dorm room. I only watched him leave, not moving until he was completely out of sight. After that, I spun on my heel and started off toward River’s dorm.