Military Mate

Chapter 23 : Then What Am I?

                                   Gem

            Kastela had me lay down on the couch. She had explained to me that in order for my mark to be removed she had to cut it off with an ancient separation knife. Honestly, I sort of saw something like that coming. I was considering cutting it off with a normal knife anyway. The pain wasn't a factor, I have had much worse.

" Now, I'm sorry Gem but this is going to hurt. I wish there was something I could do to help it, but I'm afraid there isn't."

Her voice is soft and apologetic, but it's final. There's no arguments, instead I let out a humorless chuckle. Just wait until she sees the scars underneath this flimsy gown. Exactly as I predicted, she asks me to strip off the fist half of this annoying hospital dress. I do as she says.

My upper body and torso are now bare. Bare with the single exemption of the black sports bra that covers my chest. That, and my silver dog tags. The smooth metal feels cold and unforgiving against my warm skin.

For a moment I think about this whole thing. I won't lie, I really don't understand much about this whole wolf culture thing. Thankfully, I do know about wolves. The primal instinct, the ferociousness, the need to protect and dominate. It's no secret wolves are feared by all prey animals for a reason.

Now, there can't be one correct way to think about this kind of thing. But, as a wolfblood, from what I understand is the same as being human. Human, that is with the exception of a wolfy companion in your head. That and the whole soulmate thing. Even though I tell myself not to, my mind subconsciously considers the feelings of the man on the other side of this equation.

        If this hurts me, it will no doubt hurt him. It was never my intention to hurt anyone in this situation, but from this perspective it seems like it can't be helped. I know how important life mates are to wolf bloods, but it's different for me. I've gone my whole life not knowing the truth. I've lived my whole life as a human being.

This whole ordeal had just made me question all that I know. It makes me think of my parents. Were they really what they said they were? This whole wolf blood thing seems genetic, and I can't help but wonder if my whole life has been based on lies. It's not a very fun thing, questioning your own reality I mean. I don't like all the doubts and concerns this whole thing has created.

I need answers, and chances are I won't find them if I'm here with a possessive alpha male that has already claimed me as his. I won't deny the fact that I do have slight doubts about doing this, and as much as I hate to admit it, I do feel as if I am giving a small part of me away. It's a feeling I've never really felt before now, so naturally it's hard to explain. It's like he was something that was connected to me my whole life without me even knowing.

It's as if he's been there all along. I still don't think he chose the right method for anything that's happening right now, but I won't deny him that single fact. Ive never been one to lie to myself. There are a few times that I've seen things in him that have made my heart stutter. The deep dimples in his cheeks, and that half grin that could make a model jealous.

He has a bit of mystery to him, I honestly don't know much about him. That's slightly attractive too, but it also makes this whole separation process much easier for the both of us. We're not so far in, that this would seriously injure us. I definitely know that there will be some kind of withdrawal, but now that I know what I am, I have to find out more about my heritage. I have to.