On The Run

Chapter Thirty-Seven - "The Thickness Of Water"

Chloe

Recap:

Please, shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

“SHUT UP!”

It took the deafening silence for me to realize that I’d said that out loud. Their gazes were all fixed on me, and as much as I tried to hold off, and mumble an apology, I found myself going on.

“We are all liars. Every single one of us, so stop pointing fingers,” I said, as calmly as I could muster, gritting my teeth, as I became painfully aware of my growing migraine.

I turned to Lexie, “You have two parents who give you everything you want and need, and who are simply there; your life’s pretty much perfect, so you have no right to come here and admonish anyone for dealing with their sucky lives in their own twisted way.”

“And Kayla, don’t be a cliché – you’re not a drug addict, you’re not a slut, you’re not an alcoholic. Stop trying to be what you’re not. And, I know it’s hard, feeling like you’re losing your best friend, but for Pete’s sake, stop being such a bitch!” Her widened eyes didn’t stop me from going on; it had been building up all evening. Maybe even further back. My voice decibel didn’t rise, and it wasn’t for concern for the other restaurant visitors; I was just tired.

“Ricky, you didn’t not introduce Lexie to us because you wanted to protect her, you didn’t cause you’re ashamed of us and what we might have done to her impression of you. Quit lying. And Lexie, you’re not introducing Ricky to your parents not because you’re afraid they won’t like him, but because you’re afraid they might, and then it’ll suddenly be real.”

“Trey, it’s okay to be mad or sad, but stop hiding behind optimism, because we all have good enough reasons to be pessimistic, and you’re making everyone else feel a little petty.”

I sighed, “Fitch, stop trying to save everyone. Not only is it impossible, but you end up hurting either them, yourself or both.”

I let out a deep breath.

Their faces were all dumbstruck. I pushed back my chair, and with a firm, “Good night,” I walked out of Monroe’s and down the street, feeling about ten times lighter.

*

I walked down the street brusquely as I mentally slapped myself. How could I have done that?

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and groaned. Maybe I should go back and apologize, I thought to myself. I really doubted that they’d want to see me, so I walked on, slower, feeling the weight of all that I’d said. It was what I’d been feeling, but over the most part of my life, I’d learned to squash my feelings; it was a form of survival.

Now they all knew exactly what I thought of them, and I couldn’t imagine that they’d be anything less than offended. I was starting to wonder where I was going to live now, when I heard my name.

I spun around.

Trey was jogging down towards me. We were such good friends, and we’d been getting along so well; I was so sure I’d completely ruined it. Good things, or rather good people like them rarely walked into my life, and instead of treasuring it, I had to go and spoil it. It was no wonder most of my life had been miserable.