Take My Advice

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

When my dad came to pick me up, he rang the doorbell and waited for Mom to answer it before he came in. That was pretty awkward-like I was going to the prom or something. I bounded down the stairs as soon as I heard his footsteps echoing in the entryway. I didn't want to wait until my mom hollered for me, like I was making a grand entrance or something. 

I climbed into my dad's car and clicked the seatbelt while he walked around and opened the driver's side door. He didn't say anything as he put the car in reverse and steered us onto the street, and I didn't say anything until we were on Main Street. 

"So," I said.  

"So," he replied. "Where do you want to eat?" 

He was letting me choose, huh? I could take total advantage of this, but instead I named a place I knew we both liked. He turned at the next corner and there we were. 

We ordered at the counter and sat down, and then my dad asked me all the standard questions about school and stuff while we waited for our burgers to arrive. He'd only been out of the house for a few days, but the distance between us felt a lot greater than that. I told him how I was doing in each of my classes, but I didn't go into a lot of detail. This was weird, and I felt really uncomfortable. In a lot of ways, it was like being out with a total stranger. I didn't really know my dad as a person, just as a background figure. 

"So, Jill," he said, lacing his fingers on the table. "Um, I don't know if your mother told you this, but we've decided to legally separate for a while first and see how that goes before filing for divorce. I don't want to get your hopes up or anything, but we agree that we should take this a step at a time. We're not any more eager to do this than you are and we're still willing to try to work things out." 

"If you're not eager to do it, why are you doing it?" I asked. As soon as I said the words, I wondered if I really wanted the answers. My parents had already assured me that there hadn't been any infidelity, but there had to be some deep, dark secret or everything would be fine, wouldn't it? 

My dad didn't answer for a moment, and the food came while he was contemplating his answer. We each took a few bites, and I don't think I tasted anything.  

"When two people get married, they have to find a balance," he said after another few minutes. "On the one hand, they have to become a unit with their spouse. They should have the same life goals and want the same things. But they also have to set their own goals and remain individuals so they can feel as though they're progressing as a person. If that balance is off, the marriage suffers." 

"And you and Mom had swung too far over to the 'remaining individuals' side." 

"That's right. We never did really become a unit, and we were so focused on our own careers-" He stopped. "I was so focused on my career that I didn't see what was happening. Our foundation had holes in it from the very start, and you can't build something strong on a weak foundation." 

"Do you still love Mom?" 

He cleared his throat, and I was surprised to see tears forming in his eyes. "I will always love your mother. I just don't know her anymore." 

So all three of us were strangers, then. And I'd thought we were a family. 

*** 

After we ate, my dad took me to the movie I'd been dying to see, and I was surprised to find myself relaxing. I'd been stiff and uptight during dinner, trying to figure out this new dynamic, wondering how this was all going to work, wishing it would just end and yet not wanting him to drive away again. During the movie, though, I was able to push that to the side. My dad seemed to like the film too-he laughed in all the right places and when I glanced over to catch his expression in the glow from the screen, he looked like he was having a good time.