Take My Advice

Please Read - Author's Note

Author's Note:

All my books are a little personal—I wouldn't be able to write them if they weren't. This one, though, is possibly the most personal book I've ever written. Just as Turning Pages helped me sort through my feelings about my dad's death, Take My Advice has helped me sort through my feelings about my parents' divorce when I was a teenager. Yep, Jill is based on me in a lot of ways. I never worked on a school newspaper or had a crush on a guy named Dylan, but all Jill's thoughts and feelings about her parents' divorce—those came from my experiences.

So many teenagers today are dealing with these same issues, and I wrote this story so they'd know they weren't alone. Maybe you're one of those teenagers, and you're wondering what to do next or how to think or feel. It's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel angry. You don't have to pretend that you're fine. But I have to tell you something—you're stronger than you think you are, and you can find what you need inside you to make it through this.

Like Jill, I spent a long time in denial. This is going to sound crazy, but here I am at almost forty years old, and I'm just now starting to work through my feelings. I kept them hidden because I thought I had to be positive all the time. It's been a relief to say, "You know what? Something really crappy happened, and I have feelings about it."

It's only been through acknowledging my feelings that I've been able to find myself. Yeah, I guess I see some similarities between that and the movie Inside Out, but let me give you a huge piece of advice—don't let yourself become so wrapped up in your feelings of sorrow that you can't see anything else. There is joy. There is hope. There is so much good to be found in life—this doesn't define who you are.

If you need to talk to some friends or a counselor, do it. If you're religious, talk to your pastor. Maybe writing your feelings out in your journal would help. One day, I went out and sat in my car and screamed and pounded the steering wheel. This was fifteen years after the divorce, but those feelings still needed to come out. Whatever you need to do, do it—but look for ways to heal. Look for ways to grow and find acceptance.

You might be struggling with feelings of depression. If you are, please tell someone. You don't need to go through this alone. One of the hardest things for me was that I'd always taken my problems to my mom, and I couldn't do that this time. But there have been others willing to listen to me, and you'll find those people in your life too.

Above all, remember that your parents' divorce is about them—it's not about you. You didn't cause it, and you couldn't have prevented it. Yes, you have to deal with the outcome, and that stinks. But don't believe that you could have controlled the situation—it wasn't up to you.

Again, you are strong. You can do this. You have everything inside you that you need to come out of this triumphant. I believe in you—now you just need to believe in yourself.

- Tristi