Author's note: So. How long has it been? A while, right? I'm really sorry for that, there's just been a lot going on. School ended, I'm dating someone (holy shit, right? How did I ever get this lucky? She's the first thing in a long time to make me happy,) my best friend went to California (and just came back!) and I've been given permission to dye my hair blue soon... So much has happened! Anyway. I won't bore you with the details, but basically, I've been busy.
So, hope you enjoy! (Sorry if the spacing is a little funny, and sorry if the editing is terrible. I'm uploading this at four in the morning haha.)
-Eve
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It was probably the worst "official" first kiss ever, if I'm being honest.
I guess it was because we were both out of practice, and he was so nervous that he was shaking.
He'd asked me to kiss him, hadn't he? I hadn't been hearing things?
Those butterfly lips of his seemed so timid...
His fingers curled a little too tight against my skin and he forgot to tilt his head, but I did too, so I guess I couldn't complain, even though our noses bumped together awkwardly. I think at one point I forgot how to breathe because I felt like I was choking, and when he pulled his head back the first thing he did was take his hands off of my shoulders to wipe those butterfly lips of his with his sleeve.
I just felt terrified of rejection the whole entire time.
What if he left again, like last time?
Frank seemed to realize what he was doing, wiping his lips with his sleeve, though, and slowly moved his arm away from his mouth, blinking at his jacket sleeve and then at me.
"Sorry," he said.
"It's okay," I told him, even though it really wasn't.
Who the hell wipes their mouth after a kiss? Wiping a butterfly clean won't wipe away the sins, no matter how beautiful it's wings are.
He looked at me for a few seconds, and then shifted his gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry," he said again.
All I could manage this time was, "Okay," because there was a sinking weight in my chest that was pulling my heart down with it. "Whatever."
"Uhm," he said. He reached his hand to his mouth and pressed the tips of his fingers against his bottom lip.
I sighed and let myself fall backwards onto my bed, closing my eyes, trying to ignore how uncomfortable I felt.
My skin was crawling; I felt fucking disgusting. I felt repulsive. I just wanted to fold in on myself until Frank couldn't see me, I wanted to hide under my blankets and never come out again.
I didn't really know what was supposed to happen now, for the first time in a long time I was absolutely clueless. I hated not knowing what was happening. I was so scared of not knowing what would happen next.
Was he going to leave again?
I wouldn't blame him, I realized, feeling my fingers dig into the sheets as I realized that it was very possibly that he would leave.
"You can go," I said- choked out, rather. I squeezed my eyes as closed as they would go, so tight it hurt the tops of my cheeks and made my nose scrunch up in an odd way. "If you want to. I- I'd understand, if you wanted to, or something."
