“Cuppa?” I ask Cheryl, who is sitting cross legged next to Sacha’s bed, reading her a story.
“Please babes” Cheryl smiles at me, and stretches out her hands for the mug. I sit down at the end of Sacha’s bed where her feet don’t reach, and snuggle my legs up to my chest.
“What’re you reading?” I ask, craning my head to look at the book.
“It’s called ‘A Little Princess,’ and it’s about this little girl in the olden times, and she’s really pretty and rich, like a princess. But she’s always so, so kind and generous and...perfect” Sacha replies, flicking through the book so I can see the small, water colour illustrations. “She had to leave her daddy, just like we did.” She says quietly.
“Do you miss him?” I ask her quietly, and I touch her hair out of her face so I can see her eyes better.
She thinks for a moment before replying “not as much as I thought I would. I’ve got you, and Diana and Cheryl haven’t I? The girl in this doesn’t have anybody.” She said sleepily, rubbing her eyes.
Cheryl glanced at me, pouting slightly and looking concerned, but I shook my head a fraction. Sacha was happy enough, I could tell.
“Do you want me to carry on reading?” Cheryl asked quietly, and Sacha shot her a look of what could only be adoration before nodding, and laying down in bed. Her still wet, dark hair spread all over the pillow and she closed her eyes, tucking her hands into loose fists like a baby.
“A cloud seemed to pass over it and put out the light in her shining eyes. She drew in her breath so sharply that it made a funny, sad little sound, and then shut her lips and held them tightly closed, as if she was determined either to do or not to do something. Ermengarde had an idea that if she had been like any other little girl, she might have suddenly burst out sobbing and crying. But she did not.”
Cheryl read quietly and slowly, keeping her eyes fixed on the page. “’Have you a-a pain?’ Ermengarde ventured. ‘Yes,’ Sara answered after a moment’s silence. ‘But it is not in my body.’”
A few minutes later I caught Cheryl’s eye and put a finger to my lips. She was instantly silent, and together we both listened to Sacha’s deep, sleepy breathing and watched her snuggle her face into her old toy rabbit’s fur.
“Is she asleep? Already?” Cheryl asked in a whisper, amazed. I smiled and nodded, softly getting up and holding out a hand to pull Cheryl up. She untangled her legs and took my hand, grinning at me. She led me from the room, pausing to click off the lights and pull the door half-shut. On the landing we both paused for a second, looking at each other. “What time is it?” Cheryl whispered to me. I checked my phone, then showed her the screen. It read 9:30pm.
“No wonder she went to sleep quick, she must have been tired” I said as we walked down the marble staircase. “Thanks for putting her to bed by the way, you’re an angel”
“She’s no trouble, is she? Is Diana asleep now too?” said Cheryl as we both collapsed onto the huge leather sofa, Cheryl careful not to spill her tea.
“Yeah, Sacha’s not always this good, to be fair to myself” I smile at Cheryl “she’s on her best behaviour cos she’s with you.”
“Aww, really?”
“Yeah, this is her being a good girl for Auntie Cheryl”
“Auntie Cheryl, I like that” she giggled into her tea. This girl really is too unbelievably cute for words. “And I’m glad that Sacha doesn’t really miss your dad too much either.” She hesitates “has he called you, like, at all?”
“Nope, not that I wanted him to” I sigh, and she shakes her head
“How could he? Just how could anyone, do anything that could hurt them beautiful kids?” she nods upstairs.
I shrug. “I don’t know, I really don’t. But the second I’m 18, I’ll sort out the paperwork and be Sacha’s legal guardian.”
“When’s your birthday?”
I shrug and think about it “uh, like, a month...” I can’t work it out in my head, but I don’t want to count the days on my fingers in front of Cheryl, I don’t want her to think I’m stupid.
She shakes her head, and touches my arm. Her fingers are cold. “You’ve got your family. You’re gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, I’ve got my little family.” I pause, I want to ask her something, but I don’t want to sound cold. “Who’ve you got?” I ask quietly.
“Me?” I nod, and watch her bite her lip “Me mam, and me brother live down here now, to be closer to us.” She scrapes her hair out of her eyes, and looks at me “and I’ve got the people I work with, Lily, my PA, Will, and my manager...but I don’t really have a family, not like you do.”
She reaches out and pulls me into a hug, so close that I can feel her heart beating. Her body shakes slightly in my arms, and I realise that she’s trying not to cry. “Cheryl? What’s wrong?” I breathe into her hair. I try and pull away, but she holds me still. “Chez?” Finally she lets me go, and I take her face in my hands. She’s not actually crying, but her eyes are full of tears that she’s trying not to let fall.
“Come on, don’t cry babe. Tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll make it better” this is something I’ve promised Sacha a hundred times, but somehow I think Cheryl won’t believe me with the same wide-eyed innocence. She tilts her chin up so she’s looking at the ceiling, and blinks furiously.
Then she looks at me, and I could see fear in her eyes.
“Cheryl?” my voice shakes slightly
“I don’t w-want you to hate me.” She holds onto my arm, digging her nails into my skin.
“I won’t, ever, I promise” I touch her chin and tilt it so she’s looking me directly in the eye. “Now tell me.”
“I was pregnant, once.”
