“This isn’t real. Kim, this isn’t real. Pinch me. This is NOT actually happening.”
We’re walking down Cheryl’s long, winding drive, lined by tall hedges, the white gravel below our feet scrunching. Sacha is skipping alongside me, her feet seeming to barely touch the ground.
“You’re not allowed to tell anyone, not Molly or Tanya or anyone, okay?” I tell her, and she just nods.
“This so isn’t real” she repeats, her face splitting into the widest smile I had ever seen, revealing dimples I didn’t know she had. Her happiness seemed to rub off on me, and I feel light headed and funny inside, as though somebody had lit a sparkler in my stomach. Diana cried, but quietly now, like a mewling kitten. I was sure that once I’d given her a bottle she’d go back to sleep. My arms ache from carrying her, and I’m very, very tired.
The drive twisted around a final corner, and finally we could see the huge, sprawling house.
“It looks like something from a fairytale” whispered Sacha, and I could see what she meant. The sandy, southern style brick, the huge wooden doors, the massive windows and wrought iron balcony was a million miles away from our red brick, mid-terrace.
“Are you ready?” I ask Sacha as we approach the door.
“No.” She says, her bottom lip shaking. But I ring the doorbell. Beside me I can hear Sacha breathing, loud and raspy.
“It’s okay babe” I tell her, and she hugs me close for a second, before the door opens. Cheryl stands there, looking at us. I can’t read her eyes. I wonder if she’s regretting letting us stay, and for a moment I want to take Sacha and Diana back home. But I don’t, because Cheryl smiles.
“Hi, Sacha, I’m Cheryl” she says, and lets us in. Sacha doesn’t say anything, but her eyes are as wide as two dark tea plates. Cheryl leads us though the hall and into the living room, where Sacha instantly curls up on the soft leather sofa, hugging her knees to her chest and looking around the room.
Cheryl hovers nervously in the doorway “do you want anything to drink?” she asks Sacha, who whispers
“No thank you C-Cheryl”
Cheryl looks at me, and I say “can I have tea?”
She smiles. She may not know about eight year olds, but tea is well within her comfort zone, so she hurries out of the room.
“Are you sure this is okay Sacha?” I ask her, and I sit next to her
“I can’t believe this.” She looks a bit like she might cry “when I wake up, this will be the best, the best dream ever.”
“This isn’t a dream” I tell her, but she ignores me, resting her head on her knees and closing her eyes.
I get up and leave the room, going into the kitchen to find Cheryl.
“Is she okay?” she whispers to me, looking concerned
“She will be, she’s just a bit shocked I think. She keeps on saying it isn’t real”
Cheryl laughs “she’s cute, how old is she?”
“Eight” I reply
“I was thinking I might make cookies for her? Would she like that?”
“Cheryl, she’s a child. All children like food.”
Cheryl smiles “I just want her to like me, that’s all”
“Don’t worry, she does like you, she loves you, remember?
“She must expect so much of me though, she’ll think I’m perfect”
“You are, to her anyway. You worry too much. Can I have some hot water?”
“Errm, tea’s in the pot, why do you want hot water?”
“Baby is hungry” I say holding up a still whining Diana.
“Aww” Cheryl looks like she’s melting inside, “can I feed her, please?” I laugh at her, and pass her the baby.
“Be my guest” I say, filling the kettle and putting it on to boil. “Believe me, the novelty soon wears off”
“No” Cheryl pouts “the novelty will never wear off, she’s too cute” she touches Diana’s nose and laughs.
“She is now, but can you imagine, I’m responsible for her for eighteen years. I’m so scared of screwing it up.”
“Don’t be” Cheryl says. She doesn’t look at me, she’s looking at Diana, as if she can’t believe that she’s holding her. “Don’t be scared. It’ll all be okay.” I’m not sure if she’s talking to me or the baby.
“Cheryl?” Sacha is suddenly in the doorway. I can tell Cheryl is nervous, but I’m not sure why.
“Yeah, what’s up pet?” she says
“You’re my favourite person. Like ever. Thank you very much for helping us.” Sacha says all of this very quickly, and doesn’t make eye contact with either of us, she’s looking down at her holy school shoes.
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it” replies Cheryl, smiling.
“Can I hug you?” Sacha asks, so quietly I can barely hear her
“Come here pet” Cheryl smiles, lighting up her whole face, and passes Diana back to me before kneeling and hugging Diana. They have almost exactly the same coloured chocolate curls, and Sacha clings on for a moment before pulling away.
“You okay?” Cheryl asks, frowning because Sacha looks like she might cry “no tears, ok soldier?”
“Okay” says Sacha, and she smiles
“Good. Now do you want to help us make cookies?”
An hour later the kitchen is barely recognisable. Flour covers the worktops, Sacha’s face is coated in chocolate and the room is filled with the scent of baking biscuits. Diana asleep in her carrycot in the corner of the room, and Sacha, Cheryl and me are eating freshly baked cookies and laughing. Cheryl has been transformed, she’s a whole new person to the scared girl who clung to me the night before. Now her face is lit up with a smile as she listens to Sacha tell her about the show they’re putting on at school and the project she’s doing in art lessons.
“I should clean up” she says finally, biting her lips and looking around at the mess.
“I’ll help” I say, getting up “where’s your dishwasher”
“Over there, but I don’t know how to use it...” she smiled, looking embarrassed
“Cheryl, seriously-”
“You know what, let’s leave the mess, we can clean up tomorrow, let’s do something fun now” she grins, sitting back down
“Like what?” I say
“Sacha can choose, what do you want to do pet?”
Sacha nibbles a cookie and rubs her eyes, smearing melted chocolate all over her forehead. Cheryl and I smile at each other, but don’t say anything “I don’t know” Sacha says, screwing up her face, thinking, then her face lights up “there’s a fair in the park! Let’s go to the fair!”
“Yes!” Cheryl says, and high fives Sacha, who looks slightly stunned. “I love it! Is that okay with you Kim?”
“Yeah! We’ve got to take Diana though...”
“She’ll like all the bright lights! Let me just go get changed, then we can go...” Cheryl is already practically running out of the room, and I hear her tiny feet bound up the staircase.
“Sacha..?” I say
“Yeah?”
“Babes, you might want to wash your face before we leave...”
