Learning through life

Reasons

Reread hang these sure does bring back memories. These are in the past so I won't edit them to much because it shows me changing as a person and going through life.

Why do I even have friends? Why did I think that everything would be perfect if I had friends? Well news flash, it's not perfect, some of the time it is, others not so much. Getting in between a fight with your friends is not something I would recommend. Even though I do every single time. I have one friend mad at me becuase another friend told me to text them something that they said becuase they couldn't.

I'm the person that goes back and forth from person to person telling them what they said to each other.

I'm the one that's totally fine with always being there for your friends when they need to vent and giving them advice even though it doesn't work all the time at least I tried!

In fact I love it when friends come to me to talk because it makes me feel needed! As a human being I feel like I have a purpose in life other than
Grow up, make money, go home.

When something happens and they leave the conversation I, as a human being feel hurt and and I feel like I could have done better.

Me asking why I even have friends was not to say I don't want them. I love them but I don't understand how I got friends in the first place. I'm such an imperfect mess up that tries to make everything better through text messages because that's the only way I can think of doing good in the world because this is the 21 century  and I'm a lazy person that lives for technology and when a problem comes along I think I can  just fix it with glue, or take it to the repair shop or something like that!
I cherish every moment I have with my friends because before them I only had twopeople I trusted in life and that was my cousin  and my best friend, who ironically lives so far away.

They were the only ones I told my problems, I told them my crushes, I told them pretty much everything. I can't tell my parents because  what are they going to say?

"It will blow over sweetheart"

THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO BUT MY TRUST IN IS THE SAYING "everything happens for a reason" because if it doesn't then I'll just stab myself now.

My problems aren't as big as others but there to much to handle for me, as a human being. The whole situation I'm in just leaves me to read this over and over until I cry, lock myself in my bedroom until it feels necessary enough to hurt myself.

Yes I have my own problems and no I do not deal with them. No I do not vent to anyone besides letting out my frustrations in music and writing or watching the bajan Canadian because he's the only one that can pick me up when I feel like I just want to die, when my friends aren't there.

And if my friends read this there probably going to be mad at me because they are the ones that are going through a fight and I'm the one complaining which is valid and I don't blame you if you think that.

Im sorry if your mad at me at me for even publishing and writing this but there's a bright side to every story because  if I didn't write this I would have taken all of my anger out on my arms if you know what I mean.

The thing that makes me so upset is that when something like this happens and I go out of my room my entire mods changes from I want to die to "everything is fine" because parents? They wouldn't understand...

I'm going to church at 11:00 and I'm hoping I'll be able to think about Mitch and not the fact that I'm such a fuck up wannabe. Parents? This is why we watch YouTube, for entertainment, and peace of mind, for the moment at least.

By the way there are millions of things that I've thought about in school or church that I want to write about but when I get home I think that whatever it was, was to depressing to think about again.
Sorry you were probably expecting something upbeat.

Learned that everything does happen for a reason.