Learning through life

Dramatic girl problems

Storytime.

I was hanging out at my aunt's house and I was with my friend 'John' because my aunt and his aunt are friends. (Quotations around the name John because that is not the boy's real name.) We were downstairs talking about friendship, which was weird, we didn't usually get that deep. He questioned what I looked for in a friend so I said,
"Loyalty, honesty, and humor."

He proceeded to ask me if he had all of those qualities, I nodded yes. He stuttered out the question,
"Would you want to, maybe date?"

The thing is, I knew full well 'John' was going to do that, but naive little me shrugged it off and assured myself that no male human would think I was attractive. It kept passing through my mind, and it was night, so I could have easily wiggled out and said I was tired and went to bed before he got to ask his dreaded question.
I said yes because I didn't know what would happen to our friendship if I had said no. Actually, I said "Sure."
Just to make sure he knew that I wasn't going to lose my cool over pretty much anything.
'John' then decided to give me a little speech that consisted of the phrases,
"I think your really cute and pretty."
Which made me smile and I appreciate it, but then he stammered,
"I think I love you."
That's when I became petrified. If there's any way to put pressure on girl, that's it. I was horrified at the thought of my relatives hearing us, not to mention he was speaking exceedingly loud.
I was sitting next to him with my hands covered with my sleeves on my face to prevent an sign of blushing, my face was so warm I could have cooked a potato on it. He asked me if I was blushing, obviously I wouldn't know that since I can't see my own face without a mirror. I took my hands off and he inspected my face, apparently I don't blush.
All of the complements he was giving made me get very flustered and smiley. Making him think I liked him to, which I didn't and still don't, sorry.
'John'  scooted closer and put his arm around me, and rubbed my right shoulder with his thumb and index finger, I remember it exactly. I felt mildly violated, but mostly just embarrassed.
But that's not all, the story gets better.

'John' then asks me another awkward question,
"Can we kiss?"
I politely declined, but he insisted. I kept trying and hinting at the fact that I most definitely was not going to put my lips anywhere near him. He pleaded with words like
"I've liked you for such a long time,"
"I really want to kiss you,"
"Please, just a peck on the lips?"

His eloquence will not prevail. Alas, more awkward moments to come. 'John' continued to take his aunt's iPad and force me to watch a video on how to kiss, because one of my failed attempts to say no were,
"I don't know how to kiss, I've never done it before."
He also refused to take his arm off me, might I add. After watching the video he said,
"We could only do it once, and we could do more if you want to?"
With what the contents of the video showed and his body language I was able to conclude that he was not looking for a peck on the lips, he wanted to full on make out with me. And I was not down, am presently not down, and never will be down for that.

And to top it all off, after I showed him that I WAS NOT going to do anything of the sort with him, he asked,

"Should I go ask my aunt if we can sleep down here so you can lay on me and we can snuggle?"
Just typing that makes me gag, I legit gagged a minute ago.
Once again it took a lot of polite declines before I was allowed to go upstairs and have a mental-breakdown.
I proceeded to lie down, let tears flow, and force myself to smile. This was one of the strangest experiences in my life. I did not want to smile in the slightest, I wanted to make the Kim Kardashian crying face because I'm an ugly crier. But my brain would not physically allow it, it felt like someone was forcing me to smile by taking their pointer fingers and pushing up the corners of my mouth.

I immediately texted one of my best friends,
"Guess what, I have a boyfriend."
But then I explained the situation to her and began flipping out. I was hysterical, she eventually calmed me down but I still didn't know what to do. I cried myself to sleep that night, going between frowning and smiling because it felt like I had to. It was torture, my stomach hurt every time I thought about it, I didn't want to eat, my anxiety levels soared.

I saw him three weeks after that experience, I hated every minute of it. He would not shut up about how happy he was that I said yes, it just made me more depressed every time he said anything. I repeatedly told him that I don't like talking about it, but he was like a kid talking about Christmas.
He then told me that he went out with our other friend, which made him realize even more that he 'loved' me and that she was only for practice, they even kissed. I personally found that rude, I don't know about anyone else.
he was making me so uncomfortable that I didn't have the guts to sit on the same piece of furniture as him. I was sitting on a chair next to the couch, and he beckoned me to sit next to him, I declined, multiple times. It got so stressful to the point that I had to pretend that my iPod was dying so I could sit on the other side of the room. When he moved to my side, I discreetly moved to the other side.

He was harassing me with his lovey dovey talk and I finally grew a pair and told him meekly,
"John?"
"John? I-I don't know if I ever want to date anyone"
I've never been so nervous or awkward.

The utter sadness on his face was almost unbearable, I felt terrible.
"Ok, I hope we can still be friends."
He also said quietly, we sat there for a minute, before I went upstairs.
I was very eager to leave, but I was so relieved that I got it off my chest. I thought about it everyday for about a month, it haunted me.

To this day I don't know if we can count eachother as 'friends' mostly because I'm uncomfortable being in the same building as him.
The next summer I went to my aunt's house to go swim, John was there, and we completely ignored each other the entire time, except for at the very end I made a few sarcastic comments to break the ice, and I use the sentence fragment 'it worked.' to the most minimal extent possible.

I haven't seen him since.

This probably sounds very inconsiderate of his feelings, but that was the second most emotional and scary time in my life so far.

I learned to trust my gut✌️