You're My Clarity

Chapter 11> You're My Bad Boy

PAST. Senior Year. Mid October.

Alex POV

Yeah, I'm done kind of caring at this point. You know, getting up early in the morning to go to school, being in that dump surrounded by people that seem like everything they do is an act, teachers that hardly gives a damn about a student, grades that determines a future no one is sure about, and time which never stops for anyone. 

However, I decided that's what I wanted. A time out. My thoughts were scattered while I tried holding onto whatever sanity I had left in me. I didn't know what I was doing anymore. It's senior year and I still don't know what to do with my life or myself. I can't get myself to care. No one around me seems to either. How is it the emptiness inside someone felt the most heaviest?

I looked at the mirror when I got up this morning. My face was bruised and swollen. I got a black eye and busted lip. I lifted my shirt uncovering the purple bruises on my ribs. Suddenly it dawned on me what I was feeling. Nothing. No madness, no spark, no sadness, no passion, no faith, no heat, no anger. Absolutely nothing. 

 It looked like a tornado hit my room leaving a great mess behind. I didn't bother cleaning it anymore. It was going to happen when the bastard comes in again. 

I spent so many moments trying to convince myself I was okay or I was going to be okay. I repeated it to myself many times, but I could feel the lies I was trying to feed myself. So I just stopped. Truth was, I could handle the physical abuse. The emotional part... I was fucked up. I wasn't sure how to undo that. Slowly I let myself slip away. I was hiding... from my parents, school, the city, the world. I wasn't ready to face anything or anyone. I knew time didn't stop for anyone, but I didn't care. 

I heard heavy footsteps outside my room. I knew the son of a bitch was home. There were another sets of footsteps, heels clicking against the hard tiles outside. 

Not this again. This time I was prepared. Every time my mother and father were under the same roof, I knew there was going to be a huge fight. Later on, I would be caught in the middle and end up being a punching bag. I put on my jacket as fast as I could. After slipping on my boots I didn't even bother looking back as I climbed outside my window. There was only one place in mind and I ran towards it. 

The diner was slow tonight. Not many customers came by. As usual, I picked a booth all the way in the back. I just sat there. When the waiter came by I ordered an Ice Tea because I would have been kicked out if I had just sat there. Usually my mind would spiral out of control with endless thoughts. About all kinds of things. However, this time it was different. I couldn't think. My mind was just blank. I did not know what the hell I was going to do. I was trying so hard not to fall apart. 

I paid for the Ice Tea even though I hadn't taken a sip and left the diner. The fall night air hit me leaving me with chills. Looking around I realized I wasn't ready to go back to the house just yet.

After walking for a while, I looked up to see the playground Jake had taken me to a little while back. It was late at night and the park was closed. No one was here. It looked sorta haunted without the daylight, the kids laughing and playing. I hopped over the fence. The park was deserted. It was chilly so I wrapped my arms around myself walking towards the swings. I sat down on the swing hoping maybe just for a second I could feel innocent or even light. That feeling in the pit of your stomach, the damaged and hopeless feeling.. is it ever going to go away. I looked up to see the dark sky. The stars were so clear, it looked like a masterpiece.  

"BOO!" 

Without hesitating I elbowed them, got up from the swing and kneed them on their crotch. It was dark so I couldn't see their face but I didn't care I went to go punch them but the perpetrator caught my wrist and made me loose my balance. I ended up on the ground with the person on top of me. They got a hold of both of my wrist pinning me down. I was struggling to get out of their hold when I thought about  kicking them again on the crotch.