You're My Clarity

Chapter 7 > You're My Eye of the Tiger

PAST, Senior Year, September

ALEX POV

Sometimes I just sit there as my mind goes blank. There's no thoughts running through my mind. However there is tears streaming down my cheeks, like a never ending storm. My heart sinks down deep and you just welcome the agony that consumes you. Lying to yourself is like false hope. Because you never know what can happen. Sitting on the top of the house rooftop as the moon was the only light in the dark. Is it strange I feel comfort in the dark or that knowing the world doesn't exist gives me sanity. Is that normal? Humans crave communication. So why am I here sitting on the roof at 3 in the morning wishing the world and everything in it didn't exist.

I can't stop crying. I wish I knew how to end the pain and trouble. Will there ever be peace? Will anyone miss me. The thought makes me laugh. No one knows me. No one knows what I hide. The scars on my thighs that were cut deep. I had stopped cutting in my arm since it was getting noticeable. Plus I couldn't cut deep the way I wanted to.

I hate this version of me. What's the point of living if I have no purpose. What's the point of living if I cant save myself from my own demons. Let me lay it all to rest as I fall asleep forever.

The abuse never stops. It's like a continuing horror story that never stops. I hate the tears that run down my cheek. Its like no matter how hard I try to hold back, it just all comes rushing harder.

I don't what that was with Jake the other day at the park. Whatever it was, it is nothing now. Every time we pass by each other in the halls we go back to the strangers we always were. It's a pretending game he and I are both good at. No words spoken or wandering stares. It was easier to ignore him too since I saw him making out with Heather the day after we hung out at the park. She had her legs wrapped around his waist as his hands went up her cheer leading skirt. I knew I was right about him. They deserve each other.

Tilly came back to school but I had been distant with her. She kept texting me telling me she was worried. I knew she was but I just couldn't face her when she knows nothing about what's happening. Especially not when I'm trying so hard not to break down every 10 mins.

I walked into Calculus every to find Heather on Jake's lap. They practically eat off each others face. Heather even looks back at me smirking like she has won. Funny how I was never competing.

I sat on my bedroom floor with music blaring in my ear. I hadn't notice my parents were fighting again. Not until I realized someone had barged in my room. It was my dad again. I had chill down my spine. This time the look in my father's eyes looked different. Like a monster hidden behind a face. I could tell he was drunk by the way he smelled. I couldn't bare another beating. But this time it was more than just a beating. He slapped me hard then picked me up throwing me onto my bed with a loud thud noise. Before I can understand what was happening he was on top me trying to pull down my jeans. I couldn't tell you the things that were running through mind. All I could say was that I couldn't believe what was happening. I tried pushing him off me. But he wouldn't budge. So I knee him on the crotch and push him off me with every force. I run out of my room and out the front door. The sun was setting and the dark night was approaching. I had started running to the playground that Jake had taken me to. I don't know why but I just couldn't help myself but to just run in that direction. I hadn't even noticed I was bare feet.

You know that feeling when you get when you reach into your jeans pocket and you find money? You can imagine how I felt when I found a 20 in pocket. I had been starving and I wasn't going to go home. With bare feet I walk into the pizza parlor a few streets away from the school. I was getting looks from the people. I felt bare. Not because I just had a t-shirt and jeans but I have always hated public places. Walking over to the front I order a slice of pizza and a Dr. Pepper. The girl taking my order looks at me from head to toe with a not approving look. I knew I looked like a mess. Hell I had no shoes on, she probably thought I was homeless or something. I get my food and walk over to the booth all the way in the back. The glances never stop. There were a few people from school. But that didn't bother me the slightest. But I was wondering what kinda rumor they might spread about me.