Five Years After Meteor: A Cold Splash of Reality

Just Warming Up

Chapter Four: Just Warming Up

((Author's note: This chapter contains a short verbal fight with Cloud and Sephy and use of iPhones. I enjoyed it a lot!))

How on the Planet did I get myself into this!?

That was the exact thought running through Cloud Strife's head as he sulked on the carpeted floor of Lizzy's bedroom, his athletic form bent over in a slouch.

Well, at least she didn't make us gay lovers. Cloud threw his head back in quiet frustration. Just wait until I get back. Sephiroth's gonna be crying for that overgrown squid he calls his mother!

"Soooo, uh, 'Seth.'" Cloud attempted to strike up a conversation with the man who was supposed to be his 'brother' while on Earth. "H-how's it going?" He had never felt so awkward.

Sephiroth turned his head towards him casually. "Er, I'm fi--"

"Heyyyy, guys!" He was interrupted by the familiar voice of a teenaged girl on a sugar high. "Already warming up to your new roles, I see?" Lizzy zipped over to Cloud's side. "You two are sooooo cute!"

"Cute? Me, cute!?" Sephiroth stood up and pointed to himself, whilst trying to make himself look as un-cute as possible. "I don't think so."

"Of cooooourse, Sephy!" She skipped over to him and twisted a lock of his dyed hair around her finger. "You're absolutely ADORABLE!"

Sephiroth, AKA Seth, whacked her hand away from his face. "You do that again and I'll make sure you have a stump where that hand should be."

"Geez, Sephy." The hyper girl put on a false-hurt look. "Making violent threats, now, are we?"

"I don't have time for this." He stomped off, trying to break in the floorboards with his heavy steps. "Bother Cloud for a while, you Genesis-ripoff."

Lizzy giggled, almost maniacally. "I'd love to!"

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After poor Cloud was done being fangirl'd,  he stumbled outside. "G-gotta get ahold of Tifa..." He pulled out an iPhone (yes, Apple even sells its products on Gaia) and slowly tapped in Tifa's number.

He got her answering machine. "Heeey, you've reached Tifa Lockhart. If you want to contact Seventh Heaven, dial 555-4321. If you're Cloud or anyone else I know, stay on the line. If you're Sephiroth and you magically came back from the dead, hang up and just stay there while I come to kill you again. If you are neither, stay on the line anyways. See ya!"

Cloud let out a loud groan. He needed his best friend's help and he needed it NOW! He could not stand living with Sephiroth. "Yeah, it's Cloud. SOS. Help! Mayday! Sephiroth's not killing me but it's the next worst thing! I mean it! Just get a damn portal here! Bye!" He hung up.

Just inside, Sephiroth was sitting at the kitchen table. "Who was that, er, Cole?" came his calm purr. "Your girlfriend Tina? You're gonna have to be shitting gil to pay for a call as long-distance as that."

Cloud growled. "Her name's Tifa, you idiot." He narrowed his eyes. "And she's NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!"

"Someone's got a cruuuush." Sephiroth obviously loved pushing his archnemesis' buttons. He put his hand over his mouth, trying to hold back laughter.

"Shut up, MAMA'S BOY." He smirked as Sephiroth's eyes widened, then narrowed until they were angry slits. (He HATED being called a mama's boy.)

"At least I'm not a chocobo head like you!" Sephiroth was, for the first time, being childish.

"Mama's boy!"

"Chocobo!"

Mama's boy!

"Choco--"

Lizzy stepped between the two of them. "Now, now. Break it up, boys. No fighting with your brothers." Cloud couldn't help but smile at the way she was acting like their mother.

Just then, One Winged Angel suddenly came on out of nowhere. Cloud, thinking it meant the beginning of a fight scene, drew his sword.

"Whoops, cell phone." Sephiroth reached into his pocket and pulled out another iPhone. "This is Sephiroth," he said flatly to the phone.

"Sephiroth! Where ARE you!? You stupid mama's boy, you're late for the meeting! Uggh!"

"Kefka, not now. I'm a bit... busy at the moment."

"YOU'RE busy!? WE'RE the busy ones! We are in the process of building our ultimate weapon against those pesky do-gooders!" Kefka sounded furious, which meant that somewhere, a whole town had just been destroyed by Light of Judgement. "And YOU said you'd show up!"

"Kefka freaking Palazzo, would you just shut up!? I'm trapped on another freaking planet right now! Just go destroy a city or something!" Sephiroth hung up, trying not to listen to the insane voice on the other end.

"Waaait a minute. Ultimate weapon!?" shouted Cloud, who had been listening in to the whole exchange. "Oh, great. This is gonna be Dissidia all over again. I'm telling Terra."

"Oh, crap..." Sephiroth stared at his phone. "Those guys are gonna kill me."

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Back on whatever planet Dissidia's on...

"Is he coming?" Ultimecia snapped, left hand flying wildly in the air. "I'm losing patience with that one-winged slowpoke!"

"Calm down, 'Mecia. He'll come eventually." Exdeath was lazily slumped against a wall, totally breaking his character, but whatever, it's fanfic.

"And I swear, when he does, I'll kill the guy." Garland gave an angry toss of his cape. "He never shows up! Really, whose bright idea was it to have HIM here!?"

"I think it was Cloud of Darkness. Are those two related? They resemble each other slightly," Exdeath called out. "He is a pretty powerful guy, in his defense."

"Not as powerful as ME! Mwa ha ha!" Kefka was madly dancing around, destroying anything and everything in sight. Again. "Destruction is sooo much fun!"

"No one asked for your opinion, Joker wannabe," Ultimecia snapped.

"Hey, that wasn't very nice!" Kefka zipped over to her, doing some kind of crazed twirl. "You need to be taught some manners!"

"It's on, clown-face."

"Hey, hey, guys!" The Emperor, quite the peacemaker, stepped in calmly. "Save it for Squall and Terra."

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Apparently, the two villains had not listened to him, because Cloud and Sephiroth suddenly saw a huge explosion in the sky.

Sephiroth buried his head in his hands. "Oh, shit."